Thursday, April 9, 2020

Heck of a News Day


Pope declares allegience to Church of Satan.

Government unemployment application website found to be source of ransomware child sex trafficking operation.

Journalists sitting at home in underwear waiting for instructions from below.

Plant Life demand more hydroxyphotosynthisischlorophil.  Holding bees and other insects hostage until it is delivered

Who the hell is allysa millano. Cher's lover? Don't tell me.

Doctors and patients in battle to see who can delay appointments the longest.

5G technology will make everyone walk around naked in public.  Get your blinders folks if you live in Cincinnati.

Joe Biden claims  Trump hasn't dealt with Covid-19 because kitties are soft and furry and Thank Heaven for Leetle Girls.

Hank Johnson claims entire Earth will capsize and fall into the moon but only at nighttime.  AOC starts donation drive to save everyone, blames Trump for catastrophe.

Banks are failing amid Coronovirus atttack, customers finding empty safety deposit boxes. Bank officials standing around with stupid smiles on face when pressed for details.

Pope cancels Easter, focuses on Ramadan.

Tiger Woods and other professional golfers forced to play Masters Tournament at putt putt golf course outside of Cleveland with no more than one person in attendance per hole.

US Airstrike kills terrorist leader.  357 million moslem vermin waiting in wings to take his place.

Some guy making millions does something amazing with a ball.  World goes nuts.  Throws more money at him.

Joe Biden elected president signs Executive Order forcing all girls under the age of 13 to be drafted into military, cancels all meetings indefinitely in favor of inspecting military barracks nationwide for next 4 years.

Trump Administration replaces seats in media room of White House with disguised Electric Chairs, has touchscreen activation panel installed on podium.

9th Circuit court of appeals declares America in violation of galactic law, orders all residents to immediately commit suicide.

Major League Baseball working feverishly to make game exceptionally more boring when games restart. Idea floated include pitchers taking at least 15 minutes between pitches while scratching nuts and spitting on pitchers mound.  Chewing Gum to be furnished by local taxpayers.

Megyn Kelly tries to hook up with Donald Trump on Tinder, Grinder, and Match.com but only if she can get her job back at FOX.

There's more of course, but I've taken enough of your time.  Buy my book would ya?

38 comments :

  1. The Voice of ReasonApril 9, 2020 at 8:22 AM

    HAPPY PASSOVER, and HAPPY EASTER to all our Friends

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  2. I'm going ahead with the guess that Biden will not make it to election day. I don't think he's capable of maintaining the stature and stability that the American people will expect from a presidential candidate.

    Biden is a gaffe machine, who, in debates with President Trump is likely to make mistakes, say idiotic things, get flustered, confused, and derailed entirely.

    If and when The Creepy Groper Joe Biden drops out, as I think he will, either voluntarily, or forced out by the Democrat party, who will emerge as the Democrats savior? Cuomo? It certainly won’t be Hillary, I don’t think that the DNC is that Stupid! Or will the Democrats nominate one of the previous primary losers ?

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    1. Well Dude, My 5 cents is on the hildebeast becoming the nominee. The beast will buy its way in somehow. Cuomo is a possibility.

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    2. Agree with Adrienne, but Cuomo will be running under his real name: Michael Corleone.

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    3. Well, we got us a real debate here ! A pedophile with dementia vs Cuomo vs the Beast. Ha!

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    4. @Mustang, "Corleone" - and that would go to his advantage with the voters.

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  3. Try to imagine someone who despite receiving poor grades in high school gained admission to an American university. Then imagine that same person, despite graduating from college in the bottom tier of his class, gaining admission to an accredited law school. Now imagine someone who, despite proven charges of plagiarism, graduated from an accredited law school. Finally, imagine a person who obtained college deferments from military service until after graduation only to receive permanent excusal from military service due to a medical disqualification.

    By every possible measure, Joe Biden is mediocre, undistinguished, and dishonest. But he does have a high opinion of himself, and as we have seen in other elections, Democratic voters like that in a candidate. Joe Biden realized early in his life that there was but one thing he could do well: he could become a darn good politician —and that’s all he’s ever achieved in his life. It has worked out for him, though. In 1972, Joe’s net worth was $59,000. Today, his net worth exceeds $15 million, which when you consider the amount of money paid to a member of the Senate, isn’t too shabby. My guess is that his net worth reflects someone who saved every dime he ever earned as a public servant, and made ends meet by earning extra money from a paper route.

    Being a great bull shitter elevated him through the US Senate into the office of Vice President of the United States. It also allowed him to avoid criminal charges from fondling women and young girls by arguing, “Hey, it’s just Joe.” Since 1972, Joe has been selling snake oil to stupid people in Delaware, who cannot seem to get enough of the stuff. Now, he’s selling it by the ton to stupid people in other states.

    Good old Joe. He wouldn’t make a good pimple on a working man’s ass, but those blue-collar fellows will surely line up to support Joe, even when he and Obama worked overtime to destroy industries that placed food on the table for their families. And, even though Joe supports gender-confused persons, voters with a solid foundation in Christian faith will line up to vote for Joe because, well, what’s a little perversion when you have a nice smile?

    The icing on this cake, should Joe Biden ever become president, is that he will permit everyone to attend college at no cost to themselves. To pay for this humongous taxpayer-funded program, Joe will shut down the Department of Defense, which in effect gives everyone a college deferment from military service. The questions left unanswered are: what is the value of a university education that costs nothing? What is the purpose of sovereignty if a nation cannot or will not defend itself?

    So, the race is now on between Trump and Biden. Biden, of course, has the advantage because he’s senile and Democratic voters like that in a candidate.

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    Replies
    1. Yes Mustang, democrat voters likes em evil and/or ugly and/or totally incompetent. All three feathers on your hat and you got a winner with them suckers. Maybe some lurking Psychology Phd could help us out with why that is. But would it even matter? Giggle Cats say No.

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    2. "he’s senile and Democratic voters like that in a candidate"
      Plus he's pro baby killing. They really dig that.

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    3. @ Ed ... really not sure how Catholic politicians get away with baby killing, endorsing same-sex marriages, and a plethora of other wicked notions without being excommunicated. Biden is Catholic, Porky Pelosi is Catholic, and neither of these two morons have any worries about their souls. Maybe that's because they are soulless.

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  4. https://techstartups.com/2020/04/05/new-updates-dr-vladimir-zelenko-cocktail-hydroxychloroquine-zinc-sulfate-azithromycin-showing-phenomenon-results-900-coronavirus-patients-treated-must-watch-video/

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    1. Thanks for the info Tom.

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    2. What about people who are allergic to Zinc?

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    3. I've been told I'm low on zinc Mustang. Not sure what that means. Certainly doesn't contribute to E.D.

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  5. Thanks for more of the theatre of the absurd... love the media room scenario.... perfect..... Joe best stay in the basement. Strange things can happen .......ask Mr. Foster.

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    1. Thank You Bunk ! Wouldn't it be fun to see some of those pukes get lit up?

      I really would be surprised if the beast wasn't top billing come election day or at least VP to Biden which would amount to the same thing.

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    2. No worries, Bunks. Biden is like superman, everything bounces off. Not true with conservative politicians, of course, only with Democrats. A regular human would be in federal prison for fondling a young girl on national television.

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    3. At least a 3 tier justice system Mustang. But what else is new.

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  6. Democrats have had very little to offer throughout this entire crisis. They're more interested in impeaching Trump then they seem to be interested in helping the Americans that are hurting.
    The even held up the relief bill by stuffing $2 billion in PORK spending on pure crap that has nothing whatsoever to do with the coronavirus, or helping those who are out of work etc..... That's their plan, never let a crisis go to waste!

    And now they want to give us a Candidate (Creepy Gropin Joe Biden) who has nothing but a Incoherent Rant to offer. His only answer, or his plan to stop the Chinese Virus is to Whine and Cry about President Trump, and to have Pelosi impeach him.. .The same plan they had yesterday, and the day before, and the day before that, go after Trump.

    THEY WANT ANOTHER 2.4 TRILLION, FOR THEIR CRAP, AND TO BLAME TRUMP FOR IT!

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    1. But of course Mr Ram. They know too well how stupid and dependent their supporters are.

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  7. In celebration of this post, I'm not wearing any pants.

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    1. Me Either Odie ! Picture verification Not Required !

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  8. Francis the Marxist Fraudulent Fool is such an embarrassment to good Catholics everywhere. Dumb and dumber...

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    1. I call him Francis the Talking Ass –– after Donald O'Connor's Francis the Talking Mule, if you can remember that far back?

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    2. Adrienne, it's even hard for me to believe what comes out of that guys mouth sometimes.

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    3. The Son of God will return to earth one day; this I believe. This is good news for some, bad news for others because my gut feeling is that when He does return, he's going to be very pissed off.

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    4. Mustang, The Son of God must be beyond pissed off based on what's going on that even we know about. May this come about sooner than later.

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    5. Good one Franco. And, yes, I remember Francis the Talking Mule (Sigh)

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  9. Love your funny headlines, Kid, but THIS one made me laugh out loud:

    Trump Administration replaces seats in media room of White House with disguised Electric Chairs, has touchscreen activation panel installed on podium.

    That's not only funny, Kid. It's a GREAT idea. };^D=

    Good thing I'd just finished swallowing that last sip of tea before I read it!

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    1. Thank you Franco ! As stated I was visualizing some of those pukes getting lit up when I wrote it.

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  10. I'll buy your book!!! But, wait, I get it free, right? :-)

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    1. Z, you and my commenters get a free signed copy.

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  11. The virus, global warming, you can row a boat across the North Pole because the glaciers melted. I'd like to think the Papal Problem could be blamed on his evil advisers but no, he seems to believe this errant nonsense. Speaking of which, Biden's in a class of his own.

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    1. LSP
      Michael row the boat ashore, hallelujah
      Michael row the boat ashore, hallelujah..

      Can You Believe Biden is in the Front Row ?????? Hilarious !!!!!!!!!!!

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  12. LOL, Megyn Kelly needs to keep swipin'! My check is in the mail!

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    Replies
    1. Mr Blade, Mail me a check ! Thank You for your support. :)

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