Friday, March 26, 2021

Is There Love in Space?

 All About Nebulas

Click the pics for a short description and usually a much larger image or be required to wear steel wool undies by your democrat governor that ultra-maroons in your state voted in to screw with you constantly.  Like you don't have enough to deal with already.

Medusa Nebula

Butterfly Nebula

California Nebula

Eagle Nebula

Pelican Nebula

Rosette Nebula

With Star Cluster Sauce

Some music to ponder the space bound love options.

Tuesday, March 23, 2021

No Shortage of News

"Afghanistan US military pull out made more difficult because over half of remaining 2500 troops there are still in the gender transitioning process."  explains White House spokesperson Jen.

"They Can't Be Moved During This Process !" Screams a uniformed transgender person calling herself Charlene, still visibly horrified after having a daydream that someone will refer to her as "Sir" at some point.  Charlie, (now Brittany Tiffany Martinez), appears to look at her sympathetically.  Either that or she thinks Charlene is "hot".

Later in this normally classified strategy meeting of NCO's, and after regaining her composure, she flaps her left hand around to illustrate the unique challenges experienced by men shaving their legs and wearing skirts while the beautiful redhead nearest the camera wonders why the little snowflake doesn't just wear pants like she does. "Lots more room for stuff when you can sit like this until the surgery is complete" she thinks to herself.

On a more serious note, it turns out that Russia Actually has built and maintains an actual doomsday device that is capable of bypassing all standard protocols to launch their entire nuclear arsenal.
The one true doomsday device that’s known to exist has been around since 1985 and is called Система «Периметр», or, in normal people talk, Perimeter System. It’s also more evocatively known as Dead Hand.

Like Whoa dudes.  Someone tell Joe "Bananas" Biden before he goes all "Going to take Putin out behind the bleachers and kick his ass" on the Russian President.

CNN outs Donald J Trump as Dr. Evil, seen here without makeup.

Here in a photo obtained exclusively by CNN, we see Trump's right hand man, Mini Me, who also provides hitman services under the cover name Odd Job.  Which is odd.

It has been learned that Dr Evil and his extensive cast of Conservative Nationalist Supremacist Racist Phobic partners intend to gain control over the entire world.  The first order of business is rumored to be shipping 99% of the media and 100% of the democrats to Mars.  In a secret recording at Mar-A-Lago, Mr Trump is heard laughing while saying "Let them enjoy their commie pinko fag paradise on Mars!  Ha Ha Ha Ha HAA!"

The US Navy and NASA have finally copped to the existence of UFO's visiting our planet and being in our atmosphere now for decades. 
In this photo taken near Wickenburg, AZ, an object that appears to be a huge flying cinnamon bun, NASA spokesperson explains "Nope that thing is chock full of aliens. The icing on top is just part of the disguise."

In this next photo, an object appearing to be a huge denture appliance, is flying by Trump Tower in Bahia Blanca, Argentina.

Don Lemon of CNN speculates these are all part of Donald "Dr Evil" Trump's plan for world domination.

People interviewed on the streets of Los Angeles expressed mixed feelings about the confirmation of UFOs and the possible consequences for the world.

Close to fifty percent really don't care while around another 50% hope the aliens take over California.  "Let the fly over people fend for themselves" said one Los Angeles native.
"Maybe the aliens will take climate change more seriously !" exclaimed another.  "Hope they open some good restaurants" said an attractive blond woman walking by our reporter on scene.  "Hope they have a cure for Covid-19!" yells a masked jogger racing by.
It doesn't appear people are very concerned.

Thursday, March 18, 2021

Follow-up On The News

 In the last segment, we learned that Isabel Guzman, who is related to Joaquin "El Chapo" Guzman was confirmed to be the Small Business Administration Chief.

Today we learn that Ms Guzman in her first action as SBA chief has authorized billions of dollars in the first of many grants to be given to the drug cartels along the Southern Border.  "They're small businesses you dipstick" she remarked when asked what benefit to America these grants would have.

CNN followed up with a story showing how more drugs equates to more homeless people resulting in more jobs available for responsible people who actually work and as a result will be paying more taxes and effectively pay for these programs.  The druggies are happy, the idiots are now working 2 and 3 jobs which they love to do, and the government is collecting oodles more tax.  It's a Win-Win-Win.   "Nothing like a feel good story to wrap things up" remarked a CNN co-host of unknown gender.

In response to resident Biden calling the Russian president Putin a killer, Vlad had these things to say.

The Russian leader pointed at the U.S. atomic bombing of Japan during World War II, as well as America’s past history of slaughtering Native Americans and slavery, arguing that the painful legacies weigh on the United States.

“Otherwise, where would the Black Lives Matter movement come from,” he said.

Recalling his childhood, Putin said that he and his friends would respond to insults with a rhyme saying “the names you call is what you are yourself.”  

Chloe the news presenter provided the following translation for those unable to read "What this means exactly" she stated "is that Putin is rubber and Mr Biden is glue so whatever Biden says bounces off Mr Putin and sticks to you [Mr Biden]."

In today's news we find that the Senate confirms Xavier Becerra as Head of HHS.  Xavier in acceptance remarks mentioned how he will be working very hard to get El Chapo out of prison and back to his recently funded drug cartel in Mexico.  Let's all wish Xavier and especially El Chapo lots of luck !

Speaking of the border, it is learned that the Biden Administration has replaced the entire Border Patrol Service with Sylvester the Cat.  We have obtained exclusive video of Sylvester on the job.  Wish him well folks, he has his work cut out for him.

Moving along we find that The Bachelor is being sued for demanding that the show's contestants have only female body parts.  It seems all the contestants are transgender according to new rules imposed by shows parent company.

Biden administration declares April as "National month for people who have sex with African raccoons in seedy motels".

Concentration Camps are now open all across the country as part of the Hotel California initiative.  Admission rate is $125,00 per month if you bring your own audio/video monitoring equipment or $175.00 per mo. if this will be provided to you.  These places are filling up fast folks ! Don't Delay !

Kim Jong un's brother's niece's aunt's cousin 3 times removed declares US will be victim of merciless attacks by N Korea if the US even looks sideways at the country.  The threat has been confirmed by local news correspondent Poing Poing Donk.

Closing out today's segment we have this selfie video sent in by one of our followers watching last night's CNN world news.  Have a great night all, see you when people do even more stupid stuff to report.

Wednesday, March 17, 2021

Yikes - Biden calls Putin a Killer


More sources available from your favorite search engine.

He's not going to like being called a murderer.  Word is Putin has already recalled diplomatic envoys.

This is not a trivial matter imo.

Tuesday, March 16, 2021

Slow News Day

Isabel Guzman, directly related to Joaquin "El Chapo" Guzman put in charge of America's Small Business Administration.  

"The likeness is uncanny" say the former Royal couple wandering around the world pimping themselves for whatever someone will give them and about to get whacked by the Queen.

The Tiger character in this latest version will be playing with two broken legs and an 18 handicap.

Kim Jong un's ugly sister, Kim Yo Jong has told Biden to watch his P's and Q's and also that “If it [the U.S.] wants to sleep in peace for coming four years, it had better refrain from causing a stink at its first step,”  In closing she said "My Brudder gonna mess you up big time little pedo man."

Panicked trader says market could go up, down, or sideways "Nobody Knows!" he screams from the NYSE trading floor.

Scientists announce plan to move Earth further away from the sun in latest futile attempt to keep planet from self-destructing in 8 years.  Spokesperson for Climate Action Critical Activities joint venture  (CACA) says everyone needs to send all financial assets to France in order to purchase Huge Rocket Engines to attach to either side of the Earth and fire them up to send the Earth off and away from the Sun. He/She/it added. "The Sun is one big hot mother and it is intent on making things warmer here on Earth. There's no disputing it."

In local WCPO station news interviews, Cincinnati man claims "Ain't nuthin going on around here that wasn't goin on 20 years ago.  I ain't gonna worry about all those freaks out there. Havin a good time, suggest y'all do the same."  

New Cryptocurrency announced, "Puddytat" to counter DOGE coin that has recently rocketed to 0.06 cents per.  Creator of Puddytat claims owners will be purring like mad in a couple years. "It's the cats meow" he says as he calls for anyone interested to send in their favorite cat pics to use as the image icon for new coin. 

Coca Cola CEO states that "A bunch of boycotting Right Wing Nuts won't affect our bottom line. We're lobbying the Biden administration right now to make Coca Cola part of the vaccine regimen for the Covid plague. Ha ha ha Ha Ha HAAAAA" he screams as he leaves the interview hand in hand with apparent latest homosexual partner Jack Dorsey, CEO of Twitter.  Picture absent since the scucker looks like a homeless drowned rat these days due to him probably strung out on cocaine with Hunter Biden in recent weeks.

Wednesday, March 10, 2021

Special Report !

The following special report comes via Action News - Anytown USA 

Looking at the internet, you'd think men were mindless slobs.  Let's take a peek at what gets them excited.

Bacon !!!!  Yaa!


Guns !!!!! Oh Yea !


Belt fed machine guns !!!   Yumpin Yimini !


Partially clothed Woman !!!!! Oooga Oooga Oooga !


Naked Woman !  Oh My !!! Moans and groans !!


Partially clothed Woman in Cowboy Hat !!!  Oooga Oooga Oooga Oooga!!!!


Naked Woman in Cowboy Hat and Boots !!!   Oooga Oooga Oooga Oooga Oooga Oooga !!!!


Naked Woman in Cowboy Hat and Boots holding Gun !!!   Oooga Oooga Gurgle Gurgle Gurgle Oooga Oooga Oooga !!!!


Naked woman in Cowboy Hat with Boots holding Gun eating Bacon !!! Get A Grip !!! OOOOoooooooooGaaaaaa !


Naked Woman in Cowboy Hat with Boots Holding Gun COVERED in Bacon !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  All men pass out, call 911.

In other news:

Joe Biden signs executive order declaring all military PT (physical training)  sessions to be performed while watching Richard Simmons exercise tapes.  Richard Simmons totally freaks the heck Out while congress loads up on Richard Simmons exercise tape company stock.

Scientists say that sending money to democrat political campaigns will drastically reduce the effects of climate change.

AOC proposes alternate plan of removing all CO2 from the atmosphere.  When advised that this will cause all plantlife to die and destroy the food chain along with all life on Earth, she simply responds "These things take care of themselves. Stop getting in the way of saving the planet !".

The Markets:  7 traders with differing opinions on stocks and the market get into heated argument on floor of New York Stock Exchange, pull handguns and blow each other to smithereens.  NYSE intern says someone should go get some more traders.

Joe Biden signs executive order declaring all senior commanding positions in military to be filled by pregnant women only.  Transgender men/women furious - promise lawsuits.

Joe Biden removes all migrant children from cages, declares them cage free migrants and sends them to Hollywood to fill spiraling pedophile demand for more children.  

CNN so enamored with Joe Biden's constant failed attempts at reading teleprompters says "Joe's mind works at warp speed and Trump era teleprompters just can't keep up".  Suggest replacing current teleprompters with state of the art models from China or Russia.

Pepe Le Pew lawyers claim Entrapment when asked about his somewhat forceful advances toward female pussycats who were always wagging their tails in his face.

Project Veritas to air mind blowing expose on ...
And I'm afraid we are out of time.

Friday, March 5, 2021

More New News !

See if you can guess which stories are real !

Video of Bill Gates being hauled out of Star Trek themed billionaires meeting wailing about how everyone should just die.

CNBC - Comfort Women Resort stocked with Democrat women reporting massive losses in recent quarter.  Resort actually having to pay the blind visitors.

Military creates "Adopt a Homo or Tranny" program to make new recruits feel accepted and more at home.  Senior members who participate are encouraged to engage in dress up activities with their adoptee and try to find them dates when they're AWOL.

Chimpanzees show up for girls rock climbing competition, all chanting Cheep! Cheep! Cheep! Cheep! Google translates this to mean they all identify as human females and so are allowed to complete.   With 100 Chimps competing,  Chimps take 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, .... 100th place.  Girls left crying and humiliated.

Boy Scouts announce new merit badge  "Celebrity Hookup", with extra credit for same sex and/or multiple partners.

New Olympic events -  Traffic Cone placement,  Panera Sandwich Build,  Identify That Tattoo.

Democrat voters disgusted that both Senate election primary contenders are good looking non-homosexuals, suspect Tomfoolery.

CNN and other media confused why Jill Biden not being touted as most beautiful fashion queen of the world by media as yet.  Don Lemon said he'd do her if he was straight.  Chris Cuomo remarks how he was stunned almost to unconsciousness when he saw her in that inauguration dress.

Yea, why aren't they parading her butt around on magazine covers and such?

Wednesday, March 3, 2021

News !

Biden administration backs plan to replace all current medical doctors with black people who can't do math.

US Capitol building sustains 107th attack in as many days.

Biden backs drop in minimum wage to 3.40 per hour.

All union teachers to retire immediately on full pay, essentially taking rest of their lives as snow days.

Whistleblower to blow whistle at next SOTU scheduled for January, 2029 at the earliest.

Everything that non-black people do, say, or think is declared racist.

Democrats cheer rising Misery Index which was originally created under Jimmy Carter to detail how much he sucked as President.  Pelosi holds news conference to declare that this important measure of America's health is finally rising again.  Pelosi nominated for Emmy, Nobel peace Prize, and Honorary Golden Globes awards.

Joe Biden to present Snoop Dog with Congressional Medal of Freedom.

Baltimore student at top half of his class with 0.13 grade average after passing 3 classes in 4 years. "Tiffany France thought her son would receive his diploma this coming June. But after four years of high school, France just learned, her 17-year-old must start over. He’s been moved back to ninth grade." (Looks like real one?)

Las Vegas sold to Kim Jong Un. All casinos converted into Comfort Women Resorts.

World Leaders doing prank calls to White House all day long, every day. Joe Biden seen running down street thinking White House Refrigerator was running on Pennsylvania Ave. - other staff members frantically looking for a Prince Albert supposedly trapped in a can.

Reparations estimated to cost 347 trillion dollars by CBO.  Joe Biden holds press conference, says 347 dollars, er 347 hundred dollars, or he clarifies that 1,347 roasting chestnuts is nothing we can't afford then begins talking about he and Jill's Christmas plans then asks if anyone brought presents with them.

Anonymous whistleblower doctor testifies that Joe Biden has black eyes, lifeless eyes, like a doll's eyes.

Daily shots of Covid Vaccine now required to gain up to 68% chance of immunity.

National Guard troops stationed in parking garage at Capitol building forced to drink "Blood of Satan' concoction. 

Monday, March 1, 2021

Couple Randoms for Old People

 Man, Time just keeps on tickin tickin tickin. Into the future.

Here's a couple ideas:

Open a business that sells products for households with no kids.

Nothing sold is child proof.  In fact, all products are guaranteed to injure children if they even look at them.  Lighters that all ya gotta do is pull the trigger for it to light without holding some button down and hopping on one leg at the same time while screaming Light You SOB !

How about a Board Game with these squares:

Medical: find out what ailment you're falling out of bed with today.  Have to land on a Medical Services square to get it fixed and pay whatever the price is.  While you have it you can only move 6 squares forward or back.

Blind Date: Pull 3 cards off the blind date stack to find out if your date is rich or not and what kind of baggage they might have.   No insurance, 5 dogs that need walked, alcoholic, scary friends, rich (yaa), heir to large estate (double yaa), hugely in debt,  hugely in debt to the mob, has a politician as family member who is democrat, can't drive, operates a Raccoon and Opossum Rescue, only wants sex twice a year... who the heck knows.  Each item of baggage costs you money until you land on the Dump Em square.  Each item of good stuff (like them being rich) awards you money with each toss of the die, but don't land on the Get Dumped square or the good times are over.

Booze: land on the booze square and take a real drink from your alcoholic beverage choices.

Strip: land on this square and shock your guests by taking off a piece of clothing.  Guests have to pay you to have you put it back on. 

Kissing: land here and kiss the person of the opposite sex closest to you or anyone who will let you.

DotGov: Land here and have to deal with a government agency. You must sit out 3 turns and pay $50 fee.

Spouse Choice:  Land here and get some busy work to take care of while everyone else plays without you until you finish.

Maybe you have some more ideas.