Sunday, May 30, 2021

You Will Be Hard Pressed to Hear Tommy Play These any Better

Maybe he was inspired playing at Australia's Her Majesty's Theater.

It's an hour but if you've got the time, it is not an hour wasted if you're a guitar fan.  Tommy is the best there is.

Monday, May 24, 2021


So now that the Covid thing is dying out as a primary focus, the government needs to fixate the population on another threat.  I think it's going to be UFOs.

Marco Rubio has yapped about UFOs visiting our military bases and even using our 30 trillion national debt we can't get a clear photo of their crafts or know where the heck they are coming from.  I mean, we can track the exact location of that socket set the female astronaut let loose in space on a spacewalk but we can't get a bearing on large moving objects moving toward the planet or entering our atmosphere...

DHS or one of those evil federal agencies is also yapping about UFOs now too. 

Alien technology is so far advanced than ours, obviously they can demand anything of us and we must comply !

What do you think the government is going to propose as the actual threat posed by the aliens?

Some thoughts:

  • aliens have chosen: Russia, China, Paraguay, Puerto Rico, Iceland, the democrats(!) to lead the planet forward
  • aliens have said global warming is now affecting deep space and we must now fill in the blanks, cross our Ts, dot our Is and watch our Ps ad Qs or they will do it for us
  • Aliens say rap music is making it out to their planet and is driving them nuts and we need to turn that shit off
  • aliens need to mate with humans to preserve the diversity of their DNA.  Well, I hope they look something like this.

And hopefully their females find middle age and older males that need to lose a few pounds irresistible. Hey, if I must do my part to save the planet !

Then again, maybe it'll be something good for everyone.

What would you like the demands of the aliens to be?

Thursday, May 13, 2021

Joe Biden Obsessed With Adult Coloring Books

Especially those which feature himself.

Here are a few examples.

The one we can't show you, because it is classified, was given to him by wife Jill.  It's known as the Executive Orders coloring book and Joe absolutely loves it according to sources inside the White House.

Apparently, also according to these sources, Joe will sit for hours with his EO coloring book and he just keeps repeating over and over "If I just stay inside the lines my Executive Orders will come true.  Jill told me so I know it's true."

It's quite the source of jocularity in the inner circles. "Joe just keeps coloring away furiously and he thinks things are happening all over the world and in this country.  No one wants to tell him, least of all Jill." 

Chief of Staff Ding L. Berry smiled and told us "Well it keeps him occupied which is a blessing.  If it wasn't for his coloring and practicing reading the teleprompter, God knows what he'd have us doing.  The president is using 3 different colors now and can make it through the first couple sentences on the prompter.  One of the challenges is since some dipstick told him Marines like to eat crayons, he'll occasionally go through several Crayolas in a single sitting then it's off to the White House sick bay with him yelling Hooah Hooah for a while."

According to unnamed sources, Joe should be put to pasture in a few months and that brainless whore Harris will be in the driver's seat.  Something to look forward to anyway.

Monday, May 10, 2021

Entire US Government And All Affiliate Agencies Held Hostage

by bold group of rogue 4th graders known as the Sez Me Street Gang who have inflicted thousands of ransomware attacks on the computer systems controlling agencies from the CIA and Defense Department all the way down to the sewage treatment plants of New Jersey.

In a statement transmitted via Etch-a-Sketch drawing, they say computers will not be released until "Real" cartoons including Roadrunner, Foghorn-Leghorn, Bugs Bunny, Marvin the Martian, and all the rest of the Warner Bros hits are put back on TV and shown 24 hours a day.

They added a warning that any attempts to trace them or harm them in any way will be futile because their Dad's can beat up anyone at any time.

Suzie, a known tattletale, also in the 4th grade, sent the included images of the suspected hackers in their bedroom and basement lairs.  The images could not be verified at the time of this writing and Suzie has not immediately responded to calls for comment.  Her mom said she is playing in her room and couldn't be disturbed.

Officials explain that the situation is dire since they believe Juan Martinez, the long time janitor at Warner Bros may have burned the archived films last year, attempting to stay warm during California's rolling blackouts.

An official on condition of anonymity, since he isn't permitted to even go to the bathroom by himself, stated in a panicked voice: "We might be screwed. I don't think anyone exists who can re-create those wonderful cartoons, and Like Hey Man, where are you going to find another Mel Blanc !?"

In the meantime, our entire government is open to attack from all sorts of countries, including even like Canada. 

Friday, May 7, 2021

John Kerry Receives 3 of Iran's Rare and Prized "Magnificent Infidel Tool" Medals

These are the medals that were awarded, according to a UN expert on Iranian Infidel Studies, Mohammed Mohammed Nohomo, who is thought to be homosexual and therefore under the protection of France's head chef at the Louvre, Pierre Jean Claude Pierre la Fit, pictured here in an undated photo.

Oh right, the medals..

The towering John Kerry, in order to ensure he does not appear as the dominant individual next to the puny Iranian political leaders decided to wear the submissive outfit that he generally reserves for his wife's kinky parties, pictured below.

Mr Kerry remarked that he really liked the gold colored one and that it was "very pretty".

As the Ayotollahla was pinning the medals onto Kerry's blouse, one of them pricked Kerry's chest.  He screamed in pain.  

After composing himself, Kerry then asked the Ayotollahla if he had a band-aid and also if Iran had a version of America's Purple Heart medal that Kerry became so fond of years ago when secretly working for the North Vietnamese.

The Ayotollahla said he would check in the sofa cushions and would let Mr Kerry know in the morning.

The ceremony ended with the traditional consumption of kool-aid, scones (biscuits) and a reading from the koran regarding the proper procedure for wife beating.

Well that's it then folks.  I mean it's Iran. What did you expect.