Monday, January 6, 2020

Predictions for 2020 in America and Maybe Elsewhere

From today through November 3 2020 lizzy warren claims to be descended from literally every ethnic group that has ever lived on Earth .  (h/t Z)

Jim Acosta sets himself on fire in front of the White House in a last ditch effort to be relevant. No one puts him out.

Burger King introduces the LGBTQ burger.  You don't know what the hell is in it but it has some nice tattoos, piercings, and an odd colored bottom bun.

nana pelosi says F* it and just chugs bottles of vodka at press conferences.  She thanks DJ Trump for sending her some denture adhesive and prays for him to do as much for American Infrastructure as did barry soetoro - AKA: barack obama and his tranny wife..

Sweden makes it illegal for Any woman to be seen in Sweden without a burka.  Well that wasn't a hard one was it.

Millennials and Gen Zers, without the ability to drive, do math, or even exist without a smartphone telling them what to do, descend into the sewer systems of America to never be seen again by the rest of us.  Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa !  Trump Towers Inc creates an app for them to make them think they can control everything from politics to electrical grids to the Hubble on their phones.  They die happy.  What the hell as long as they aren't among us eh?  We Conservatives are Not heartless - Just smart as hell.

Chick-Fil-A creates a "Celebrate Pedophile Priest and Magical Abortion Day", designated as Dec 25.  They also announce that every Dec 25, they will cave to some evil or otherwise small percentage niche group of society and create another Celebration day.

The people of New York City will demand that the mass murder site of 9-11-2001 (Twin Towers) be completely surrounded by mosques to a distance of 50 square miles in all directions.

President Donald J Trump announces he will leave the White House in late January of 2025.  The left cheers !

AOC's district disappears and now out of Congress, she is placed in charge of the Federal Dept of  Education's approved curriculum.   Public school education now totally consists of dancing, bartending, and the effects of cow farts on the entire universe.  Advanced studies include how to have magical abortions and how to embrace STD's.

In the area of science, new information is released telling us about how the oceans will evaporate into space and humans will have no water to drink unless they transfer all of their valuable assets to the DNC.  Furthermore, every election vote against the DNC will reduce YOUR lifespan by 7 years.  And give you herpes. Even if you never have sex.

All of us will be forced to drive electric cars that will explode the moment that it is detected that the driver doesn't vote democrat.

Republican voters will be denied health care through medicaid via endless delay of service (That's a real one)
The DNC officially pledges alligiance  to Iran.

The celebrities in America are so out of control that Deer and Squirrel regularly attack them on sight, usually resulting in a fatal result for the celebrity.

The DNC proposes making it mandatory for any pregnant woman to have an abortion after carrying the baby 9 months.

The DNC passes a resolution making it illegal for the President to do anything about anything - 49.8% of people living in America cheer !

The house passes a bill that makes it mandatory that every day of the year,  all people living in America must prove that they've kissed the ass (and more) of an LGBTQ person or otherwise gender dysporic person.

The house passes a bill making Conservatism more of a crime than Treason (which doesn't seem to be a crime anymore eh?)

All plastic products will be discontinued.  There will be no effect on the environment since 99% of plastic pollution comes from China and other developing nations that the DNC are apparently unaware of.
Voluntary military service will be declared a class one felony.

Homosexual encounters will be required and must be notarized  in order for a person to receive a federal tax refund or any other 'benefit'.

Gun ownership will be declared a medical disease (it's in the works folks)

Cutting your grass will be declared as an environmental crime, punishable by death or life in prison.

All financial retirement plans including private 401k's will be moved over to being managed by the federal government which will piss away the money and leave everyone with nothing at the age of retirement (It's in the works).

Joe Biden is elected president in 2020 and removes pedophilia as criminal offense as his first action in the White House.  Hundreds of young girls, aged from 5 to 12 years old are immediately drafted into service at the White House as interns.

Michael Moore goes on yet another 1 minute hunger strike.  MSNBC gives it 10 minutes of devoted coverage.


  1. You've put some thought into this.
    Did APOD run out of pictures? :)
    Thanks for the Gervais link. Saved me hunting it down.

    1. Plenty of APOD and other stuff out there Ed. You're Welcome.

  2. DID YOU WRITE THESE, KID? THEY ARE FAAAAAAAAAAABULOUS! Can I send the list to friends? (who don't blog, sadly!)? " odd colored bottom bun." That about killed me...hilarious!
    YOU are brilliant!

    Darn! I have Gervais on my blog tomorrow...the transcript :-) HE ROCKS (whoever the HELL he is!!)

    1. Z, Heck yea send it to anyone you want. The greatest compliment is having someone forwarding back to me from the great beyond.

      And Yes, I wrote it all in about an hour. This stuff rolls around in the back of my mind for a while, then at some point, it demands to be set free.

    2. You really are a great satirist, Kid. I always love reading your stuff.

  3. This is putting a happy face on our national discourse. Note: now that Sulemani has been zapped, the Iranians hate us. No, not the normal hate, the 'death to America' hate that has been going on for 40 years. No, this time it is the hatiest hate ever recorded. It is now time to chant 'triple dog death to America.'

    This really changes things.

    1. Fredd, you may have something there. Like, I mean, they brought out the Red Flag this time.

  4. Millennials descending into America’s sewers seems somehow appropriate and environmentally/ecologically sound. There must be at least a million alligators living in the sewers, leftovers from when people from the Northeast spent their holiday in south Florida. Alligators have to eat, too, you know.

    The weather channel recently warned that driving heavy vehicles onto the ice is a bad idea. Apparently, millions of Minnesotans lose their pickup trucks every year when they fall through the ice into the bottom of ten-thousand Minnesota lakes. This was an important public service announcement because most of us would never have made the connection between vehicle weight and thin ice. Global warning, you know. I’m wondering, though, if driving electrically powered vehicles on to the ice would be safer.

    Any 2020 predictions about Ricky Gervais? He didn’t mention the Clinton’s, so I’m sure his life isn’t in danger. He may never work again, but he’s British so maybe no one cares.

    Do you have any insight about LGBTQXYZ Moslems serving in Congress?

    Now about grass cutting … what if you hire it done? Is it still a felony if you hire an illegal to do it?

    Um … Joe Biden will become president when Nancy Pelosi sobers up. Get real, dude.

    I have a prediction. Our good and dear friend Z will have a birthday in a few more days. I hope it is a very happy one.

    1. Mustang, yep, everybody gotta eat.

      Yes, electric vehicles will make all ice everywhere be a normal thickness.

      My prediction for Ricky is that he will continue his campaign for animal rights and forget about the buttwipes as I have also done the latter at least.

      I believe we have at least two LB... moslem in Congress. Congress is full of homos ya know.

      You have a point on the grass. So I checked and yes, Congress is drafting an amendment to allow illegals, moslems, and transgenders the right to cut grass. If they come to your house to cut, you can't refuse them and they must be paid a minimum of $200 per hour. I suggest desert landscape.

      Biden? Dude, they elected barry Twice !

      When is Z's Birthday ? I will arrange for clowns to visit her residence !

    2. Hey, Kid, didn't you forget toe entire MANDATORY VGANISM in the International New World Order.

      Also, Heterosexual Marriag will be Forbidden EXCEPT between members of two distinctly different Ethnic Groups. White Girls MUST marry BLack Men, etc.

    3. Franco, yes, there is much that could be added. I kinda kept close to recent news headlines.

  5. Wow that sure must have been some special coffee you had!! The mind is a terrible thing to waste I have heard!! I see you put it to good use. Thanks for the clip...

    1. Thanks Bunk! I love it when celebrities are made to scowl.

  6. Nicely done, can we expect to see these predictions appear in the NYT anytime soon?

  7. FINALLY found the time to attend to this brilliant Takedown of Reality –– or would it better be calle a Send Up? ;-}

    Couple of added suggestions:


    2. Militant Atheists will concede the right of Retarded Individual Communities in Backward Areas to display MANGER SCENES in PUBLIC once again at the WNTER SOLSTICE HOLIDAY, but only on the condition that MARY MUST BE DEPICTED as uundergoing an ABORTION in the MANGER while SATAN smiles benignantly on the scene. Any angels presnt must be shown as DARK-SKINNED with RED EYES an with BLACK BAT WNGS The three Kings will be replaced by Three Mustached , Cigar chomping, Denim-Clad, Whip-Wielding Diesel Dykes with Bad Breath in Engineer Boots

    3. All public Holiday Trees must display nothing but gigantic Dildoes, Condums, Disphragms and enormous Tubes of Spermicial Jelly. A glowing green phosphorescent SKULL must be placed at the TOP of each Holiday Tree.

    4. To be considered valid by the New World Order's Almighty and Everliving STATE all Baptisms must be performed with BLOOD obtained by Human Sacrifice in a Chapel Orgy DURING the Baptismal Ceremeiny.

    5. DYSTOPIA will replace AMERICA, HAIL SAtANICA will replace HAIL COLUMbIA, and THE BLOOD SPATTERED BANNER will be declared our new National Anthem.