Now That We're Getting More Intimate With North Korea, Compricated Questions

continue to present themselves to us well as confound.

Today's question is "Where do North Korean Generals Get All Those Wacky Looking Medals?"

No, it is not because they have magnetic bodies.

Turning to the Whirl Why Web, I have found the following answers posted by a world traveler and part time humorist.

Outside of some minor support for the Ethiopian Civil War in the early 90’s, North Korea has not fought any major conflicts since the early 1950’s. There have been minor incursions in the South, but involved very few North Koreans at any given time. So, the question is how does the North Korean military win so many military ribbons and awards (see pics)? I was curious so I did some research. The truthfulness of the incidents and behavior is more than bizarre. Here are ten I found. There are over 50 possible decorations as the pictures below indicate.

1. Attentiveness Award—this award is for listening to the Supreme Leader for numerous hours. Failure to stay awake can lead to death. No sleepy sermons here. See North Korea executes defense chief for falling asleep during meeting.

Kim Jong-un executes official for sleeping in a meeting

2. North Korean Competence Award—this award in for appearing capable in performing your duties. Failure to appear competent can lead to death. See North Korean Leader Kim Jong-un Executes a Turtle Farmer For 'Incompetence' | VICE News

3. Partners in Peace Award—this popular award is given to those who had any contact with Denis Rodman while he was in North Korea during several trips. Since Kim Jong-un worships Denis Rodman for appearing like the average American (facial jewelry, tattoos, sunglasses worn inside buildings, bleached hair, odd behavior) and he uses Denis’s image a lot to show North Koreans what average Americans look like. It really works.

http://dujour.com/culture/dennis...

4. North Korean Brazen Bull Award—this award is for general officers who have expressed interest and zeal for the Chicago Bulls (see above). This is issued to general officers only. See How Kim Jong-un Came To Love The Bulls

5. Kim Jong-II Choo-Choo Award—This award was for senior officers that accompanied him on train trips as he had a fear of flying and refused to fly.

6. The Brilliant Leader Worship Award—Kim Jung-un is referred to as the Brilliant Leader and surrounds himself with a large litany of yes-men dedicated to boosting his ego. Those who come up with the most creative compliments and praises are able to win this award. Sometimes called the “Whose Your Daddy Award” but very coveted. Like father like s-un: North Korean leader dictates to his entourage.

7. Supreme Gulag Award—officers affiliated with the countries massive gulag system where 200,000 North Koreans are imprisoned for dissent, etc. are eligible for this award. See North Korea’s Gulags

A Chilling Look Inside North Korea's Modern-Day Gulag

8. Amazing Execution Award—this little known award is given to military officers who come up with interesting and creative ways to execute North Koreans. It has also been awarded to those who participate in these bizarre executions.

9. Eating Well Award—this award is for securing better rations than the rank and file soldiers. This award is awarded for every three years of prosperity in food consumption while the remainder of the military forces starve. This is nicknamed the “Rank Has its Privileges Award.” Defector: North Korean Troops Starving

10. Heavenly Cow Award—this award was for all military officers that would also partake of Kim Jung-II’s favorite meat, the donkey. Also referred to as “Jackass Tu” award. See Kim dines on donkey and says it's heavenly Kim dines on donkey and says it's heavenly

11. It's a Family Affair Award--this award is for family members only who can survive his wrath. For example, his uncle, Jang Song Thaek, who was second-in-command was found guilty of “attempting to overthrow the state.” And so, if reports are to be believed, Kim Jong-un had him executed. His uncle was apparently first stripped naked and then thrown into a cage of ravenous dogs that finished the human off.

And it didn’t stop there. There were reports that he allegedly silenced his grieving aunt by means of poisoning because she was angry at her husband’s execution. However, there were also reports that she either suffered a fatal heart attack or committed suicide. There was no confirmation about where or how she died.

So, now we know the origins of many of those metals North Koreans wear. A little tongue and cheek but the facts are really strange. I hope this has been insightful and educational.

My personal opinion is North Korean generals get a medal for every 50 good looking chicks they deliver into the Comfort Women Service (CWS of DPRK)

A related question is "Why Did These Female Soldiers Get Medals?" 

I think I'm knows.