Monday, March 1, 2021

Couple Randoms for Old People

 Man, Time just keeps on tickin tickin tickin. Into the future.

Here's a couple ideas:

Open a business that sells products for households with no kids.

Nothing sold is child proof.  In fact, all products are guaranteed to injure children if they even look at them.  Lighters that all ya gotta do is pull the trigger for it to light without holding some button down and hopping on one leg at the same time while screaming Light You SOB !

How about a Board Game with these squares:

Medical: find out what ailment you're falling out of bed with today.  Have to land on a Medical Services square to get it fixed and pay whatever the price is.  While you have it you can only move 6 squares forward or back.

Blind Date: Pull 3 cards off the blind date stack to find out if your date is rich or not and what kind of baggage they might have.   No insurance, 5 dogs that need walked, alcoholic, scary friends, rich (yaa), heir to large estate (double yaa), hugely in debt,  hugely in debt to the mob, has a politician as family member who is democrat, can't drive, operates a Raccoon and Opossum Rescue, only wants sex twice a year... who the heck knows.  Each item of baggage costs you money until you land on the Dump Em square.  Each item of good stuff (like them being rich) awards you money with each toss of the die, but don't land on the Get Dumped square or the good times are over.

Booze: land on the booze square and take a real drink from your alcoholic beverage choices.

Strip: land on this square and shock your guests by taking off a piece of clothing.  Guests have to pay you to have you put it back on. 

Kissing: land here and kiss the person of the opposite sex closest to you or anyone who will let you.

DotGov: Land here and have to deal with a government agency. You must sit out 3 turns and pay $50 fee.

Spouse Choice:  Land here and get some busy work to take care of while everyone else plays without you until you finish.

Maybe you have some more ideas.


  1. I have tons of ideas ... but first:

    I want you and all your readers to know that, as we begin the end of COVID, there's another medial issue .. they call it the NILE Virus, Type C. It targets people born between 1940 - 1970: some symptoms are:
    1. Sending the same message twice
    2. Sending the same message twice
    3. Sending messages to the wrong person
    4. Sending messages to the person that sent it to you
    5. Sending messages without attachments
    6. Sending messages before finishing them
    7. Hitting "delete" instead of "send"
    8. Hitting "send" when you should have hit "delete"

    Now this C-Nile Virus is a pandemic and the feds are working on a vaccine.

    If you read this, you should send me $5.00.

    1. I am a victim of NILE Mustang. How can I get compensated ? Do I have to be: Black, Female, Black Female, Asian, Mexican, Illegal Mexican, Black Mexican, Black Asian, or Anything Other than White ?

      I probably don't qualify. Crap.

      I did not read this so you owe me $10.

  2. The problem with board games for the oldsters is that the squares have to be huge. Have you ever the seen the size of a shuffle board game? So — that’s a problem that requires an engineer to look into.

    Another problem with ideas for oldsters is that you have to keep reminding them about it. On the other hand, every day is like starting over for most oldsters so you give them a gift one day, and they think they’re getting a new gift every day following. So, you save money in buying presents for oldsters. I'd like a Porsche please.

    Even though a lot of oldsters have been married for 50-60 years, you get to a certain age when you can’t remember who your partner is … so when you get around to having sex, it’s kind of like having it with someone for the first time.

    Everyone laughs at oldsters with hearing aids. What they don’t know is that you can turn it off and no one knows. You just have to nod your head every now and then, and they think you’re listening to them. Cautionary note: be careful about hearing aids — which is another kind of virus. You get it from listening to too many assholes.

    About booze … can you hook up intravenously to Jamisons? Sounds interesting, but I’d like for someone else to go first. Maybe Jerry will do it. In fact, I think it's his turn.

  3. Mustang, I gave you a Porsche yesterday.

    As far as the sex thing, make sure your party guests are all good looking in case you convince that other woman that the two of you are married and you also gave her a Porsche yesterday and how does she feel about receiving that gift.

    I don't need hearing aids, I was born with ears that double as bullshit detectors. It's a curse.

    I don't know about booze and I cannot get Jerry out of his backyard Igloo to ask him. That Eskimo wife of his must be awfully engaging. It's warming up, maybe he'll come out soon.

  4. Brilliant! Let me in on the IPO.
    I once manufactured board games.

  5. You are ALL hilarious!
    I loved this post and I laughed out loud at Mustang's "1. Sending the same message twice
    2. Sending the same message twice" :-)

    1. Thank you Z !

      Yea, that Mustang is a real card. :-)