Wednesday, March 3, 2021

News !

Biden administration backs plan to replace all current medical doctors with black people who can't do math.

US Capitol building sustains 107th attack in as many days.

Biden backs drop in minimum wage to 3.40 per hour.

All union teachers to retire immediately on full pay, essentially taking rest of their lives as snow days.

Whistleblower to blow whistle at next SOTU scheduled for January, 2029 at the earliest.

Everything that non-black people do, say, or think is declared racist.

Democrats cheer rising Misery Index which was originally created under Jimmy Carter to detail how much he sucked as President.  Pelosi holds news conference to declare that this important measure of America's health is finally rising again.  Pelosi nominated for Emmy, Nobel peace Prize, and Honorary Golden Globes awards.

Joe Biden to present Snoop Dog with Congressional Medal of Freedom.

Baltimore student at top half of his class with 0.13 grade average after passing 3 classes in 4 years. "Tiffany France thought her son would receive his diploma this coming June. But after four years of high school, France just learned, her 17-year-old must start over. He’s been moved back to ninth grade." (Looks like real one?)

Las Vegas sold to Kim Jong Un. All casinos converted into Comfort Women Resorts.

World Leaders doing prank calls to White House all day long, every day. Joe Biden seen running down street thinking White House Refrigerator was running on Pennsylvania Ave. - other staff members frantically looking for a Prince Albert supposedly trapped in a can.

Reparations estimated to cost 347 trillion dollars by CBO.  Joe Biden holds press conference, says 347 dollars, er 347 hundred dollars, or he clarifies that 1,347 roasting chestnuts is nothing we can't afford then begins talking about he and Jill's Christmas plans then asks if anyone brought presents with them.

Anonymous whistleblower doctor testifies that Joe Biden has black eyes, lifeless eyes, like a doll's eyes.

Daily shots of Covid Vaccine now required to gain up to 68% chance of immunity.

National Guard troops stationed in parking garage at Capitol building forced to drink "Blood of Satan' concoction. 


  1. I was going to suggest to you that we sell Washington DC on e-Bay, but then I realized that the Chinese already own it. Timing, timing, timing.

    Jerry and I were going to do a few crank calls to the White House, but neither one of us could figure out how to hack your mobile number. This is what happens when Jerry gets dibs on the Jamisons because of my poor ability at rock, paper, scissors.

    Do you remember the Abu Ghraib Incident? Those were national guard troops, too. So now I wonder if their duties in Washington include fulfilling all Pelosi's sick fantasies on the taxpayer's dime. My friend Kid (president and CEO of KNN) tells me that if you pump enough Jack into her, she'll do almost anything. No, wait. Sorry. that was Hillary he was talking about.

    Baltimore schools -- well, not to beat a dead horse, but that's where Pelosi comes from. New city motto: Baltimore -- the city of flatliners.

    Good job on this week's roundup Kid. The KID NEWS NETWORK, mostly news some of the time -- a Seussville Communications Company.

    1. Hahahaa.

      Jerry's been pretty unreliable lately. I hope he is Ok.

      I remember Abu. Mustang, I never talk about the beast. Yea, Nana will do anything for any action at all these days. i heard Nadler even broke it off with her.

      KNN is a good idea. Maybe I can do an IPO !

    2. Give The Bee a run for their money!
      I'm still trying to figure out what is true or not in your reporting.
      I'm crying so hard I'm laughing.

    3. Thanks Much Ed !

      Yea, I'm wondering what is real myself.

    4. I think we should forget all this earth-science mumbo jumbo and concentrate on real questions about our life on earth, such as: (a) What dimension are we in when reality becomes a cartoon, and cartoons become our reality? (b) What does it say about the human existence when the absurd becomes normal? Surely our founding fathers never saw this coming.

    5. Mustang, Answers:

      a) The age of Aquarius
      b) I asked Joe Biden about this via email to and he replied that 'founding fathers' is an old wives tale. Which is why he got rid of his old wife and married his kid's babysitter at the first opportunity.

      I will address these questions and more in more depth in a future post and when things return to normal.

    6. and a shout out to us Neanderthals...We have moved on from deplorables... evolution is great. Didn't want the Kids News Network to miss the high point of the week.

    7. Bunk, what a POS he is eh? Well, I hope they keep pressing hard because what are they going to ay with states le TX, MS, FL opening up no restrictions for vast majority of businesses and with covid cases falling all over the place. People are going to have to be Off the Richter Scale stupid to keep buying that bridge.

    8. Mustang, speaking of cartoons: