Tuesday, March 23, 2021

No Shortage of News

"Afghanistan US military pull out made more difficult because over half of remaining 2500 troops there are still in the gender transitioning process."  explains White House spokesperson Jen.

"They Can't Be Moved During This Process !" Screams a uniformed transgender person calling herself Charlene, still visibly horrified after having a daydream that someone will refer to her as "Sir" at some point.  Charlie, (now Brittany Tiffany Martinez), appears to look at her sympathetically.  Either that or she thinks Charlene is "hot".

Later in this normally classified strategy meeting of NCO's, and after regaining her composure, she flaps her left hand around to illustrate the unique challenges experienced by men shaving their legs and wearing skirts while the beautiful redhead nearest the camera wonders why the little snowflake doesn't just wear pants like she does. "Lots more room for stuff when you can sit like this until the surgery is complete" she thinks to herself.

On a more serious note, it turns out that Russia Actually has built and maintains an actual doomsday device that is capable of bypassing all standard protocols to launch their entire nuclear arsenal.
The one true doomsday device that’s known to exist has been around since 1985 and is called Система «Периметр», or, in normal people talk, Perimeter System. It’s also more evocatively known as Dead Hand.

Like Whoa dudes.  Someone tell Joe "Bananas" Biden before he goes all "Going to take Putin out behind the bleachers and kick his ass" on the Russian President.

CNN outs Donald J Trump as Dr. Evil, seen here without makeup.

Here in a photo obtained exclusively by CNN, we see Trump's right hand man, Mini Me, who also provides hitman services under the cover name Odd Job.  Which is odd.

It has been learned that Dr Evil and his extensive cast of Conservative Nationalist Supremacist Racist Phobic partners intend to gain control over the entire world.  The first order of business is rumored to be shipping 99% of the media and 100% of the democrats to Mars.  In a secret recording at Mar-A-Lago, Mr Trump is heard laughing while saying "Let them enjoy their commie pinko fag paradise on Mars!  Ha Ha Ha Ha HAA!"

The US Navy and NASA have finally copped to the existence of UFO's visiting our planet and being in our atmosphere now for decades. 
In this photo taken near Wickenburg, AZ, an object that appears to be a huge flying cinnamon bun, NASA spokesperson explains "Nope that thing is chock full of aliens. The icing on top is just part of the disguise."

In this next photo, an object appearing to be a huge denture appliance, is flying by Trump Tower in Bahia Blanca, Argentina.

Don Lemon of CNN speculates these are all part of Donald "Dr Evil" Trump's plan for world domination.

People interviewed on the streets of Los Angeles expressed mixed feelings about the confirmation of UFOs and the possible consequences for the world.

Close to fifty percent really don't care while around another 50% hope the aliens take over California.  "Let the fly over people fend for themselves" said one Los Angeles native.
"Maybe the aliens will take climate change more seriously !" exclaimed another.  "Hope they open some good restaurants" said an attractive blond woman walking by our reporter on scene.  "Hope they have a cure for Covid-19!" yells a masked jogger racing by.
It doesn't appear people are very concerned.


  1. When Biden heard about Russia's Dead Hands apocalypse program, he immediately called for comprehensive doomsday device control. In somber remarks mumbled from his basement teleprompter in front of a blue screen with projections of numerous reporter microphones, Biden squinted forcefully at the camera and delivered to Putin a "c'mon man!" that will go down in history as the greatest speech this side of Lincoln's Gettysburg Address.

    Now where did that gigantic cinnamon roll go?

    1. Hahaha. We Do need comprehensive doomsday device control. Something like that could do a lot of damage Mr Blade.

    2. Great. Al we need is a Comprehensive Doomsday Device race.

    3. It'll be a fake device Ed but we will spend Trillions on it. Most of that money will go to Russia and China, and of course the feds and politicians.

  2. Perhaps you’ll forgive me if I seem angry – but I am. How upset, you ask? Well, my pissedometer is registering 11 on a scale of 8. So now I’ll tell you what I think. We should order those twice-convicted computer hackers, who after release from prison were hired by the NSA as SES-2 civil servants, to hack into the Russian Doomsday Device(s) (always have to think of backup systems) and reprogram all their targeting metrics to focus on Washington DC. Well, okay then, the entire northeast from North Carolina to Maine, and then just stand back and watch Basement Joe proceed one step too far. When Vlad lets him have it, the rest of us will laugh ourselves silly because we’re all west of the jet stream.

    Question for you about our troops serving in Afghanistan. My information from Jerry is that when the 4th Tranny Armored Division (Half-Baked) showed up, all self-respecting Taliban Moslem Scum moved to Tajikistan. So then, who is the enemy in Afghanistan? I suspect there’s a boondoggle going on.

    A word about UFOs if you don’t mind. I’ve carefully reviewed your pictures and can say with certitude that these are no long unidentified flying objects. They are, rather, identified flying objects. In the first, it’s a flying bonbon, and the second picture is a upper set of flying dentures. So glad I could help with this. Now, as to their point of origin: clearly Delaware — a temporary place because once Putin hits the buzzer, Delaware will become a smoking dog turd.

    Don Lemon, by the way, is an extraterrestrial. He comes from the planet Baton Rouge. Baton Rouge is space talk which means Who’s Yer Daddy?

    The person you’re speaking about is Odd Job, a rather taciturn Korean bodyguard who at one time worked as Mickey Mouse at Disney West. The person’s picture you’ve displayed is Nick Nack, who at one time worked under Bill Clinton’s desk in the oral office ... sorry, oval office. Please get your shit together.

    Um ... one clarification, please. You wrote, “ Close to fifty percent really don't care while around another 50% hope the aliens take over California.” You failed to mention the other 50%. What’s with that?

    1. Don't be mad Mustang. It scares me. Good suggestion on hacking the doomsday device though. That's sure take a bite out the evil doers !

      I'll have to email Charlene and Brittany on that Afghanistan question sir. Hopefully I'll get a reasoned response and no hookup offers.

      Good point on Don Lemon. He may not know his dad... I will check with him on your UFO question though, obtuse as it is. Nick Nack... Hmmm could be. I understand they're both part of a set of quintuplets birthed in Gary Indiana by the railroad tracks on a Greyhound bus. This is also why they are smaller than usual.

      I gotta check with Yogi Berra on your math question. I thought 4/5s made a pint.

    2. We've both been to England, where a pint lasts for around ten minutes, depending on thirst.

    3. Ah, that explains my confusion sir.

  3. I don't even know what to say in response....!! SO good..."huge denture appliance"...HAAAAAA!!
    By the way, I'm actually WITH that "attractive blonde" about OPENING A GOOD RESTAURANT! We're still mostly closed down and I wouldn't go so far to become a leftie (EVER), but I'm with HER on that!!!

    1. Thanks SO much Z. :)

      Blondie may not have been a leftie actually. She was open to alien cuisine too.

  4. Bring our the 4th Tranny Armored Division troops home! We need them reinforcing the troops at the barbed wire fences surrounding Pelosi. The National Guard uniforms are not going to iron themselves. Mustang, make this happen!

    1. I’ve been wondering about all those national guard troops in DC. Personally, if I was looking for armed protection from unarmed protestors, I may want to consider some force other than weekend warriors who carry only one bullet in their shirt pocket — for safety reasons — and certainly not a group of people who “get off” riding on the backs of naked al-qaeda prisoners. Perhaps the NG three-star general and noted racist Russell Honore simply wants to keep Pelosi locked up so that she can’t do herself any harm. Plus, he may think Pelosi is hot. I know Kid does, which is why we are now rationing out his meds.

      What surprises me about the capitol building (and White House, too, if I’m being honest) is that they haven’t already been converted to mosques. None of us would like that, but at least it would be an honest expression of the Democrat’s true sentiments.

      I don’t think the time is right to bring the 4th Tranny Armored Division home. There are simply too many unresolved logistical issues. We aren’t sure, for example, if they require more toilet paper or tampons and until this matter is resolved, they have to stay in the “Stan.” Also, there is a shortage of Michael Kors handbags in the PX and the last thing we need is a run on limited supplies. Besides, we’ve received a message from the he-goats in Afghanistan who are asking that we leave the division in place. Apparently, the goats are enjoying their somewhat unique camaraderie with these trampettes.

  5. Mustang's been incommunicado again DaBlade. I've sent Peter Sellers to go look for him. I'm afraid he's running around trying to get orders confirmed for attack plan R again.
    We can't beat the doomsday machine but we can surely defend our communist trannies in the highest offices of government.

    1. Weird you should mention Peter Sellers. According to a local news station, Peter was found laying along the beach with a pissedometer stuck inside one of his orifices. He should be okay in a few weeks. Meanwhile, he said to tell you that you owe him a hazardous duty stipend in addition to the finder's fee, and he will need a new Inspector Clouseau costume. I'll let you two work that out.

    2. I've already given Sellers a Leftenant's uniform. He's lucky it's a male version and that's all he gets.

  6. Monsignor Kid, one of the best parts of our new trans strategy is that the enemy will die laughing. Silver lining in every cloud.

    1. LSP,I'm also reading that the Chinese guys and gals really don't like to have their hair pulled. Or have their feet bitten.

  7. ....lots of good stuff to consider that I am speechless.... I can hardly wait for the ultimate UFO to land around 1:30 pm in the form of a press conference...no doubt a pre programmed hologram form of one Biden in name only.

    1. Bunk, it is about beyond conversation eh? Intentional that.


  8. Let this sink in
    So let me get this straight. We have a President with dementia. An ex-call girl for a Vice President. A transvestite over HHS. A President's son who is a crackhead, a human-trafficking pedophile who money laundered billions from other countries sharing half with his dad. The crackhead’s buddy is the head of the DEA. The crackhead’s other buddy is now in the DOJ. A guy who is sleeping with the Chinese spy is over our DHS. We are borrowing all of our money now from China. Thousands of immigrants are coming in for our jobs and Social Security Benefits. And the Democrats are still focusing on destroying a former President. Add this to the 40,000 jobs lost in the past months. Yet we are supposed to believe that Biden is pro America? You just can’t make all this up
    Our country as we knew it is over and the rest of world as we knew it is also over as you look around and see 80% if not more of people wearing a mask brainwashed , and giving up our freedom that was supposed to be protected by the Constitution and Bill of Rights and yet we gave up our country to these Progressive Mad Men away
    I believe in the Constitution of the United States of America and the Bill of Rights; President Trump upheld those values. I loved his patriotism for our country. He is not a politician , he is a patriot and reflected the values of working class people. People who honor the flag and understand and know the courage and risks our founding fathers undertook so we can live in a free country. People like Biden and his minions , and his big tech industries are destroying our country and our God given rights.
    But you can rest assured that the 75 Million peole that voted for Donald Trump, and his Deplorable s are NOT going to just GO-AWAY quietly, these 75 million pissed off Americans know that they have stolen our votes and stolen our victory!! We will not rest Unless, and Until something is done about the fraud- nothing else matters!! Not 2021, not 2024. Nothing. Do people really think if they successfully stole 2020 election, that they won’t steal every election in the future? But we are NOT going to allow that to Happen. Not Again.

  9. The media can no longer cover up the Biden administration’s failures handling the migrant crisis at the U.S. border with Mexico. It’s not that the establishment media agrees with the successful border policies of President Trump, it is that Biden has botched their long-desired rollback of Trump’s policies so thoroughly and incompetently they feel betrayed and are lashing out. And now that Kamala's in charge of the "Boarder", you can be sure that it's going to get worse!

  10. The verdict is in and Joe Biden’s first press conference was a colossal catastrophe.
    To be honest, after stealing the 2020 election, there wasn’t much that Biden could have done or said to appease the 80 million Americans who he stole the election from. But then again he didn’t want to.
    Biden actually read off a pre-written list as he called on various PRE-Selected reporters, and he already had pre-written answers they he has 2-3 weeks to have one of his ADVISERS -pre written for him. during his first formal press conference in office
    As we noted already, Biden lied throughout the presser and laughed and mocked President Trump. This didn’t work for Obama who won the 2008 election, it sure wasn’t going to work for Biden who stole the 2020 election from the man he mocked:.
    And by the way, FOX News’s reporter Peter Doocy was NOT called on by Biden , and neither were ANY FOX, or NEWSMAX REPORTERS who would have given him questions that would have been much more relevant, then the Soft-Ball question he was given.

    So, Lets set the record straight:
    First of all, Joe Biden stole the election from President Trump. President Trump set a record and Biden’s gang of crooks had to steal a record to claim the White House. Biden knows it and the world knows it.?
    2. Joe Biden is unable to function on his own. He has the physical and mental abilities of a person late in life lacking the strength and wits to handle this job on his own.
    3. The social media, and the socialist media, the Democrats, and the whole administration, Department of Justice, etc. knows that Joe Biden stole the election are all fine with it. It’s all about power.?
    4. The media is a joke. They asked NO unapproved questions. They had no follow-up questions and they were happy to be Lap Dogs and praise Biden for being able to stand up for 45 minutes.
    Biden was rambling at times, but all and all, I thing that Joe did a better job than I expected, for Mr. Potato Head, it was fair. FAR from outstanding, but adequate.
    As for the future, I see a very, very dark ending for the Biden-Harris Regime and the Democrat Marxist Socialist, and the rest of the Democrat Party. Because that was probably his first and last press conference because they’ll never let him out in public like that again.

  11. So in the hierarchy of social justice misfits.....where do the military sexually confused twits stand? Are they above a civilian confused twit? And when the "Great Awakening" comes around who gets "fratricide" first?

    1. Good question Steve. I would think in non-combat situations the tranny has the edge. The treasonous Bradley Manning comes to mind. In combat though, there are plenty of historical examples of how people are treated when lives are on the line. LTs getting fragged comes to mind.