Tuesday, March 17, 2020

In The News

Dude goes to the bathroom but leaves his mic on.

Man testing positive for Coronavirus relieved he can touch his face again.

US Airline pilots to work from home.

Nothing like a lazy dog on a lazy day.

Apple re-opening its stores in China. Canary. Coal Mine. Maybe good news.

Why can't Supreme Court Work From Home??  Seriously.

Well, worried about kids intelligence levels?  No need as they are licking toilet seats now.

Biden says illegal alien felons Safe from Deportation.

Pretty Cool for us handymen.

In other news:

Biden promises to kill all middle class working people to stop  spread of corona virus. Kids cheer.

Sanders promises to kill all rich people in the most agonizing way possible.  Kids cheer.

AOC and Greta happy that corona virus is killing off CO2 generators. Kids cheer.

Supreme Court and Democrat House discussing whether Ruth Buzzi Ginsberg can make rulings from grave.

Congress disallows closure of strip clubs to curb corona virus, directs fed to print more 1 dollar bills.

Surprising number of people buying tickets to SpaceX's flight to "Earthlike Planets".

Dolphins observing humans up close all scream "Holy Crap" in unison.

Cockroaches declare "We'll be here long after theses idiots are gone".

Madonna marries Brad Pitt, murders Jen, gets probation, divorces Brad, marries Sarah Jessica Parker.  Fans worried relationship may not last.

Supermarkets now overstocked, laying off stockers and cashiers.

Huge stock market rally followed by huge stock market sell off followed by huge stock market rally.

Avoid toenail fungus using this one weird trick.

 Avoid weird tricks.

Have a nice day.


  1. Q: how do plumbers, waiters and auto mechanics work from home?
    A: All these answers and more can be found on Coronavirus.gov

    1. Fredd, I guess they could put int a webcam.

    2. You left out Truck Drivers, Airplance Pilots, Train Enginers, Bus Drivers, Taxi Drivers and Private Chauffeurs, Fredd

      What do you have against PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION? Why did you DISCRIMINATE against THEM, huh?


  2. Finally getting the important news here at 'the Diary'. Fox should hire you immediately and slot you at the 4pm hour in place of Neil Cavuto. I will not rest until this becomes a reality.
    Random thoughts -
    *Dude with the hot mic has to be fake news. Either that or he should contact his gastroenterologist posthaste.
    *The lazy dog twitter video should be titled, "working from home"
    *coronovirus toilet seat licking challenge? Hash tag, indeed.
    *That handyman tool was mesmorizing. I finally snapped out of it after (?) number of viewings.

    BTW, I'm hearing the coronovirus started in Biden's blonde leg hair. Can your sources confirm?
    Keep up this excellent work. You are a national treasure (and funny as heck!!!)

    1. DaBlade, I want 37 million a year like O'Reily got. Thank you in advance.

      I like the working from home title.

      I have agents keeping constant track of Biden sir.

      Thank you Mr Blade !

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    1. Donald J Trump, the best president since George Washington will be your president for 4.,5 more years princess. Why do you idiots talk like you're 3 yrd old?

  4. Funny, funny, funny!!! Kids cheered!!

    After the presser yesterday with Trump saying this might go on until July or August my first thought was, "Oh, hell noes. The crazies will get even crazier." So - I headed out and hit up the $Store, Wallyworld, and our local grocery store to just sort of round out our pantry. I did meet many nice peeps who were out for the same reason and also spent considerable time cheering up the staff of the aforementioned establishments.

    Avoid weird tricks? Indeed!

    1. Glad you enjoyed Adrienne !

      I can't think of anything we need here at this point. I'm enjoying my isolation so far.

  5. Is Liberal and Proud your new BFF??

    1. Adrienne, honestly, are there any anti-Trumpers who even remotely sound like adults? Wait until they finally get their communist utopia after we're gone.

  6. I think this 'idiotic windbag' has compiled the best team ever for this virus, by the way.

    Kid, these are SO SO GOOD!!!!

    1. Thanks Z !

      I agree these folks are on top of the problem. Especially keeping paychecks coming for people who can't do their job from home. Imagine what would be going on with obama or the beast in the White House....

    2. Z, I couldn't fault any of the people on DJT's team dealing with this virus, especially Dr Fauci - calm, intelligent, bottom lines it all in 25 words or less. Very impressive all.

      I just hope someone comes forward before 2024 to replace DJT. Mike Pence isn't the person imo. Why not Donald Trump Jr for example. I think we need another successful, non-politician who can't be bought again. That's the mold that works in most people's minds now.

  7. Kid, I'm convinced more than ever that you are genuine comic genius.

    Too bad nobody has yet picked you up for a Big Job in Tele-Urinalism!

    Personally I think this corner Virus Crisis is God's way of reducing the overpopulation that currently threatens to reduce the qulity of life on earth to primitive conditions.

    It will give us a chance, –– as a species –– to start agian from the Bottom and work our way back to our present Disastrous Coondition again., But don't worry i will take at least 100,000.00 years to rebuild our way to MAD again.

    1. Thank you Franco ! I have to say I have the opposite opinion since this thing targets older people. Sure there are older people who are morons but % wise, there are more morons who are younger and not affected by it.

      When we age out, the morons will vote themselves into socialist communist utopia and import vermin savages with wild abandon, having no clue what the consequence of that is going to be.