(Note: pictures are unavailable from within star chamber...)
General Wang enters into the star chamber somewhat hesitantly, as he knows what happens to senior military officials who give President for Life Kim unhappy tidings. Especially those who have lost Dearest Leader Thoughts Notebook (DLTN).
KJ: Tell me General Wang. Is Iran backing out? Is Xi Jingpinpangjon double clossing me? Great Tweeter cancel meeting again? Comfort Woman got tongue again Wang? Tells Me !
GW: Oh glate reader ... it is much worse than all those caramities combined. Worse even than your dog puking on your riving room rug after eating glate readers Uncle Fu. Worse more than Dennis Rodman's glate reader look-a-like hair cut. I am shivering to tell you this berry bad news.
KJ: Damnit Wang, tells me before I feed you nakeds to wild dogs with comfort women forces watching or put you on bullseye spot for mortar fire !
GW: Sigh ... glate reader's most excellent signals intelligence section has rearned that the filthy dogs at foggy bottoms is sending madam perosi from Washington to help set up your meeting with President Trump. Perosi on cell phone say she went to give you something special but translation confuses us, glate reader. We don't know meaning of "Screwing out brains". Perhaps this is another Yankee dog fast food delicacy. But the worst thing is that according to information in top secret files, Perosi is uglier than your grandfather's ass. Maybe even uglier that Dennis Rodmans ass.
KJ: Alright Wang, I know you deal with seeing Mother in Law in 500 degrees and 400 percent humidity of Michigan last weekend, but Focus - Read My Lips heres - Where are Klipsey Klemes and Cheeses! and where the hell are my Comfort Women Forces detail that need be here by 9 pm?! Time for dancing around subject is now gone General Wang if you get my meaning. Many more generals available to take place of General Wang. Also where is your DLTN ? (Dearest Leader Thoughts Notebook)
GW:Thinking- Can never lose DLTN. I toast now. I go out my way...
Hokay, glate reader, hokay. Ummm ... you remember Phat Pong the pig farmer you promoted to field marshal last week against my best-ever advice and then placed him in charge of comfort women? He fantasize about Madam Perosi ... he order all comfort women to look ex-ractly like Perosi and now all your comfort women look ugly like … dunno … (sucking air between front teeth) … mix between Perosi and Hirry Crinton. I think Phat Pong is spy for yan-kee dog capitalists because suddenry, Madam Perosi is on the way her to Panmunjom as special envoy to most ex-erant glate reader’s glatest ever country. But if glate reader doesn’t care about this, then neither do I. Here is your klipsey klemes and cheeses. Comfort women are in back of truck outside. And as you ordered, all condoms have been modified with pin prick ... oops, poor choice of words. I means pin hole. No one in all the world is greater prick than you, glate reader.”
Wang turns away muttering, “Phat Pong big mistake.”
KJ: Perosi ! Crinton. Damnit Wang you just make me upchuck greatest Kimchi in whole why whirl ! Then you calls me Plick !
KJ Who is now incensed at General Wang's insolence and mention of piglosi and crinton in very same sentence is out of mind with rage and has him drawn, quartered, reduced in rank below private, burned, eaten by wild dogs while being made to hold live mortar round to chest.
General Wang will be replaced by General Won Hung Lo.
General Won Hung Lo approaches Great Leader, bows subserviently ...
“Most honorable President Kim, fank you for your glate confidences in me, a rowly servant of the glatest reader in all the worlds.”
He resumes normal stance at the position of attention and continues, “Mrs. Lo has baked you many sweets that wival the leputation of krispie kremes and cheeses. She hopes you will find favor in these tasty mo .... mo .... mo-resals.”
“As you know, change is inevi ... inevi ... inebbetable. I have alweady kreaned out General Wang’s desk and you will be happy to know that I have wipped to shweds that picture of you in a most cweative yet amusing sexual position with General Wang’s little uh ... wang and pet donkey
But now glate reader, I am set to assume my most awesome duties. Just tells me what you want, and I will gets it for you, except for Field Marshal Phat Pong, who has seemingly disappeared with four comfort womens. Fortunately, all look like perosi or crinton. Suspect Phat Pong spend too much time on pig farm and like it.
KJ: You are doing well general Hung Lo. Take Dearest Leader suck up medal from shelf on way out. First off, Go to Staples, or Office Depots and get plenty Dear Leader Thoughts Notebooks, You will need them. And many pens too.
I tired right now, so while you are away researching how to best serve Great Reader, I want you to come up with ways I can imitate Great Tweeter for our upcoming summit. I know everything Yuuuge, and I will also be greatest person on planet, but I need to get the nuances committed to memories also. I must make good impression with Tweeter. I must be Art of Deal. Also pick 26 generals and rename them to Mad Dog. I introduce to Tweeter when he arrive.
You are dismissed.
Fade to black..... Tune in next time. In meantime imagine General Won Hung Lo and what may transpire in the Hermit Kingdom in presence of Dearest Reader.
I THOUGHT I saw General Wang traversing the suburbs of Detroit this past weekend in a rickshaw. Military medals were flying off him and littering I-96 and almost giving me a flat tire.
ReplyDeleteThe Madam Perosi and Hirry Crinton comfort women development in NK is not good, and puts us closer to the brink. Then again, Li'l Rocket Man and his 26 general Mad Dogs are no match for the Great Tweeter.
I need to see these seclet recordings made into a clay-mation motion picture immediately.
DaBlade, That was Wang's twin brudder Wong.
DeleteI'll get Frank Zappa working on the Clay-mation stuff asap. In the meantime, you must placade yourself with movie Team America: World Police.
Looks like the same spammer got you too. Madam Perosi and Hirry Crinton gave him the wrong idea. It sort of works because he can't sprek Engrish either.
ReplyDeleteThis is very funny stuff!
Thanks much Odie. I don't get a lot of spam but when I do I see it on the other blogs I visit.
DeleteThere are aspects of this skit that are for now and ever burned into my brain. I'm not sure if I should thank you for the laugh, or sue you for terrifying images. :-)
ReplyDeleteSam, Wait until I start including more images. Rest assured though, crinton and the dementia queen will not be pictured here. Ever. Unless they're in orange jumpsuits, maybe.
DeleteI'm thinking that General Lo may require a new agent before this gig is over ...
ReplyDeleteMustang, General Lo just a bit too subservient and I suspects Dearest Leader pick up on this already. Suspect KJ will use Lo like dishrag before tossing him out in brutal ways.
DeleteSay it isn't true!! Verry worried abut General
ReplyDeleteI worried too Bunk! KJ a real loose canon ! Hung Lo seem like good guy. Spend Long time working way up to 18 star General, hard way too.
DeleteWhat a great outline for a new ABC sitcom.... think they'll pick it up to fill the hole they just dug for themselves?
ReplyDeleteIMP I think it would be a hit.
ReplyDeleteTitle for show: The Second Gwaitest Tweeter!?
ReplyDelete"suck up medal"...good one!
Z, I can't argue with 2nd gwaitest. :)
DeleteIf you Liberals really, and I mean REALLY want a better America, then I suggest that you stop the hatred, because hatred is really the root of most of our problems. We can't really even talk to each other anymore, even within our own families without arguing, and hating one another. Has it ever occurred to anyone, for instance, that our hateful society is breeding the kids that go on shooting sprees? I really think that America's biggest problem is its hateful people. Just look at the last 2 weeks of the hateful TV celebs, how they couldn’t even express their feelings without throwing out insults.
ReplyDeleteWe see so much Haters, within the Black Lives Matter bunch, antifa,, the media press, the NY times, the View, Hollywood, and TV personalities such as Whoopi, Behar, and Mahr, . the hate everywhere you look these days.
We have become a nation of people who despise one another. And even worse, we've been like this for so long that it appears we've literally lost the capacity to communicate effectively. We're more divided now than ever. Shaw hates Who's Your Daddy, and everybody hates Shaw.
And for this, I mostly blame Obama