Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Today's Politically Correct Adventure - Soccer !

So, I'm at lunch today in a place that has 100 TV screens and half of them are tuned to the world cup soccer.

And it occurs to me that Soccer is the Section 8 housing of the sports world. All you need is a bunch of guys to run around in little shorts kicking a ball that costs a buck toward nets at either end of a flat grassy area (or dirt area if need be) that cost maybe 30 bucks if you're hard up.

This is the epitome of everything that is on the liberal agenda. Living 'with Less' is the theme that is at the heart of this pathetic 'sport'.

Oh, I think the game is fine for school kids. I am saying it's absurd to think it's even a national level sport, unless you happen to be a nation that can only afford balls that cost a buck and nets that cost 60 bucks and a flat area to play on that's Free, unless you're like the United States and somehow you've slipped into a perverted universe and tax payers actually Freakin Vote Yes to donate their hard earned money to build the physical accommodations that allow you, as private business sports team owners to have your infrastructure supplied for free while you rake in hundreds of millions of dollars, and then have the freakin gall to come on TV late in the season and proudly state you've 'donated' 50 grand to the freakin United Way. Which is like a pimp flipping a nickel out the window of his limo at a wino while he is chauffeured through Harlem.

Back to Soccer.

Do you see how the goalies hold those freakin balls ? They got em against their chest with both arms around it, elbows down, hands pointing up, in an X pattern like little girls hold their school books. I wanted to scream "Get this pathetic Nonsense off of my American Airwaves !"

Many times throughout the nonsensical activity, someone 'hurts their toe or their finger' and the camera zooms in to 'display their agony' in its pathetic search for drama in a drama-less scene.

The most popular player on this game that I was casually watching was a black dude that looked like he had the business end of a mop glued to the top of his head. He didn't play well at all. He seemed entirely untalented and so I assumed he was the featured player because of his physical Diversity.

The vast majority of what I see in this game, is boys running around in little shorts usually knocking the ball out of bounds. It is at this point, a player retrieves the ball and from just off the field, and using both hands, like a girl, tosses the ball back into play.

My head is spinning from the realization of how almost any activity performed by the most untalented of cast, could easily take soccer's place in the world.

I realize this is America's future. Pathetic displays of non-performance and mediocrity at best, combined with a general acceptance that this is all Awesome. So awesome that everyone in attendance has to continually blow their horn, and in concert sound like many swarms of harmless bees.

I realize I'm soon to be surrounded, in any venue where 'sports fans' congregate by guys screaming once a week or so, when someone makes a goal, and it will always occur to me that these folks are so hard up for 'sports' that they'd watch dung beetles pack elephant manure into little balls and roll it up a hill, as long as Al Michaels was calling the action and Las Vegas was taking the action.

Oh Yea! No Cheerleaders ! But just as well, I'm assuming as they'd all probably look like Elana Kagan anyway !
This is the world sucking the United States of America, down into the Slime of Medocrity.  Make no Mistake, as the asshole frequently says.
Here's one fine example of what happens in America. Top Fuel Dragsters.  They're currently traveling 1,320 ft (1/4 mile) in 3.8 seconds.  I happened to be channel surfing the other day and saw Kory M do it in 3.75 secs.  It's not for everyone, but this is one sport that screams America.  Best of the best. Bleeding edge, life on the line, no soup for you if you're not the best.


  1. Down on the bottom of the Gulf we're strictly an American football fan base. How else are going to be so tough in the face of the nasty, hurtful words BO flings at us when we mis-behave?

  2. Kid, I thought soccer was bad before. Now it sounds like the let loose with the killer bees. Those darned horns drive me mad!

  3. Opus, yes, the sound is off in the restaurant so I can't hear them but I have heard the horns in the past as I walk through the lunch room at work or whatever.

    How could any sane person listen to that for more than 45 seconds and not throw a brick at the TV ????


  4. Mr Spill, At least people get serious injury in football, but I don't have much respect for any sport these days, outside of golf, which gives Millions to the communities they travel to. It's something...

    Considering the austerity and problems in the world which are upon us, I don't understand how people can idolize those who make hundreds of millions for playing a game. Gold included, but I grant some quarter because of the charity.

  5. I didn't think it was possible to dislike the footie so much!! ;o) I felt totally homesick when World Cup '06 was on and I was exiled in Oregon ..... it's a shame that there is such a major disconnect between the USA and the rest of the world. Your team are doing pretty well too! I think we feel much the same way about American Football .... and baseball? Well that's just rounders, a game that schoolgirls play in the UK......

  6. I could never get into soccer. It just seems silly to me.

  7. Amen Kid! I am sick of people trying to force soccer down my throat because it is the world sport. It's not my fault the world picked such a pathetic sport. If they have to force a world sport on us, why not Rugby? At least Rugby player don't lay on the ground like 4 year old children faking an injury.

  8. I think we should all realize that even a bench player on, let's say, Real Madrid or Manchester United makes enough to *buy* a dragster team. It's not as egalitarian as you think.

  9. CL, All opinions are welcome !

    Yes, you Englanders gave me a hard time about football when I was there.


  10. Admiral, It's just not a activity where I see much going on that a whole lot of people couldn't so with a little practice. Which is probably why it's considered 'world class' - a phrase I instantly translate as 'mediocre'.

  11. RFYA, I hear you. Again, all opinions welcome. I believe a world sport, or even a professional sport should be one where there is an exemplary level of skill involved. This isn't it.

    I certainly realize its huge popularity and all the trappings that come with.

  12. Hi Kid!
    Soccer is a 2nd rate sport, but it's fun when we win.
    This go around, I won't be watching with the sound on,
    those vuvu craptastic horns give me a headache.

    I think Al Michaels should write you and get the rules to a great new sport you thought up. It might keep the nuts inside watching, instead of outside shooting eachother.

  13. Hi Bunni !

    I be waiting to hear from him !