Nuther Slow News Day

Mid-April 2020 perfect time to restart the Cannonball run.  New records set with roads empty and all vehicles declaring they are infected with COVID-19 to keep cops at bay.  Plus gas is cheap.

White liberals Much more likely to have mental disease.   Now there's a shocker.

Bees are using plastic for more germ free hives. 

George Carlin may have been right.  The Earth wanted plastic for itself, didn't know how to make it, needed us.  May answer that age old question - Why are we here?  Plastic.  Our job may be done now... Well at least we saved the bees.

New evidence suggests the Steele Dossier was bogus, even though all of us knew it was bogus 4 effing years ago.

Jill Biden making hilarious videos of Joe speaking to sell for extra income in retirement years.

Wile E Coyote Sues the Acme Company.  

A bit long of a read.

Pelosi and Shumer place bet on who hates America more. 

China now claims zero deaths from Coronavirus.  Russia vouches for them.

DeBlasio to cut 2 Billion in city services and redirect money to wife's offshore bank account.

Hosts of The View declare anything and everything pro-America is racist.

Stocks rise, fall, and remain unchanged today.  China to blame.

Trump to permanently adjorn both chambers of Congress to get some shit done.

Democrat governors issue stay at home order for all registered Republicans on election day.

In latest town hall, Joe Biden drops trou and inquires if 'there are any young people who would like to feel his leg hairs'.

Well, nuther slow news day..

Tommy in Concert Mode

Those Cold Lifeless Biden Eyes

h/t DaBlade

The following was submitted by a still terrorized Katarina (last name and location withheld by request) while testifying about an encounter with Joe Biden in her day care session in 1992. Chilling.

Katarina testifies....

Didn’t see Biden for about half an hour after we got to day care.– dark suit – stupid looking smile. You know how you know that when you’re in trouble, Chief? You tell by lookin’ from the Floorsheim shoe to the top of the balding head. 

What we didn’t know was our sex ed class mission had been so secret, no distress signal had been sent. They didn’t even list us overdue for a week. Very first light, Chief, Biden comes cruisin’. So we formed ourselves into tight groups…the idea was, Biden comes to the nearest little girl and we start poundin’ and hollerin’ and screamin’. Sometimes Biden go away. Sometimes he wouldn’t go away. Sometimes Biden, he looks right into ya, right into your eyes. Y’know, the thing about a Biden, he’s got lifeless eyes, black eyes, like a doll’s eyes. When he comes after ya, he doesn’t seem to be livin’ until he squeezes ya, and those black eyes roll over white, and then – aww, then you hear that terrible high-pitch screamin’, the other girls scream in horror and in spite of all the poundin’ and the hollerin’, Biden just smiles that much more…in that first dawn, we had a hundred little girls assaulted. 

I don’t know how many times he grabbed us, maybe a thousand. I don’t know how many. He averaged six hundred an hour…Noon the fifth day, Mr. Hooper, a Lockheed Ventura saw us. He swung in low and he saw us…and he come in low and three hours later, a big fat PBY [seaplane] comes down and started to pick us up. You know, that was the time I was most frightened – waitin’ for my turn. I’ll never put on a day care jacket again. Chain mail from now on. 
So, 4 hundred girls went into the day care, three girls came out unmolested and Biden molested the rest, June the 29th, 1900 and 92. Anyway, we're still here to tell about it..

Reference

Who Knew ?

Click the image.

Wirecutter's

Knuckledraggin's New Location

For any interested.

At Least 11 Trillion Earths Would Fit Within the Confines of the Horsehead Nebula

Only the last image is linked to the APOD site for the description.

Little Bit of News

Abortions now count as Cornavirus deaths.

Apple, Google, Tweeter, and Facecrap have developed way to infect you with COVID-19 through your smartphone.

All deaths now count as Coronovirus deaths.

All Fraudulent votes in November will count as Coronovirus deaths.

Donald Trump Jr should shave. Thoughts?

Joe Biden tells us that at least 475 million Americans have died from Coronavirus at nursing homes.  Puts blame squarely on Donald Trump's shoulders.  Vows if elected president he will travel back in time and kick Donald Trump's ass behind the gymnasium on some warm summer day.

Jodi Arias temporarily  released from jail, fatally stabs entire church full of patrons to death who refuse to date her.  Bill DeBlasio signs off on no bail required. Arias released into general population of Long Island residents.  Residents vow to vote Democrat in next election.

AOC claims drag queens are the answer to all of America's problems.

With rest stops closed, truckers are forced to urinate on precious trees drawing the scorn of environmentalists world wide.

obamacare website predicts 357,800 % more people will die of Coronavirus than would have under free market health care system.

Businesses leaving China like rats off a sinking ship.

 

 

Another Dang Slow News Day !

Jim Carrey and George Conway arrested by Secret Service agents while attempting to enter White House and assassinate president Donald Trump with Tomahawk stolen from Elizabeth Warren's makeshift Teepee.​  Little did they know Tomahawk was rubber fake replica anyway.
 

Bobby DeNiro can't stop crying even while in ICU.  Ex-wife claims he hasn't taken a shower in 3 and a half months.  ICU nurses wearing gas masks.  Doctors don welding googles.

​Joe Biden in virtual video campaign event says "Folks Folks Folks, Democrats need to investigate them selves now.​  They've run out of things to investigate."

AOC talks about critical shortage of kraft box macaroni and velveeta cheese.  She's serious folks.  Joe Biden opines that if only AOC was 20 years younger she'd make a great VP."

AOC claims ​Steele dossier too rusty to investigate.​

FOX's Chris Wallace dares anyone to come forward with beadier eyes than he has.

Joe Biden beside himself after finding all hidden Easter eggs in underwear of young girls who were invited to the Joe Biden Easter Egg hunt event.  Claims this more than qualifies him to be the leader of the 'thing', whatever that is.

Nana Pelosi warns "America is shut down for good"  Posts video of Mayor DeBlasio wiping butt on grass at New York's Central Park in front of pre-teen victims of former Joe Biden sexual assaults.  Nominated for Nobel Peace Prize following day.

​Rosie O'Donnell receives Kennedy Center award for donating excessive body hair to young cancer patient children for wigs.

Holy Shit !

​

72 Virgins claim Joe Biden unable to perform sexually even with multiple viagra pills and a bottle of Night Train wine.

Jill Biden on MSNBC's Morning Joe show saying Told Ya !

Slow news day.....

​

Ok, Slow News Day

President Trump discusses bold plan to cause stock market to rise 50% Tomorrow or maybe even Today.  Short Sellers jumping out of windows on Wall Street.  Suicides being reported as COVID-19 deaths.

AOC makes video showing how to make cheesy fries using McDonalds fries and Velveeta.

Bette Midler's body literally explodes from experiencing extreme retardedness. Friends and family covered in blood and various body parts swear they will vote for Joe Biden even if he is not the nominee  Cher and Kathy Griffin immediately call 911 seeking immediate medical care in case problem is transferrable.

For God's sake - Pet a cat right away!

John Cusack comes out as non-gender specific tri-sexual. MSNBC planning in depth documentary.

Nana Pelosi claims America is just as healthy today as obama left it 3 years ago.

Wall Street Expected to Rise, Fall, and Stay the Same on Friday according to experts.

Boeing now making paper airplanes to keep revenues afloat.  Customers lining up in droves to buy latest models.

Porn industry only profitable business left in USA. China is major importer.

Lawyers discover former General Michael Flynn has achieved Sainthood, files for sentencing delay.

Pet a CAT for God's Sake !

Hey! Hey! Hey! Be careful out there !

Bobby DeNiro taken to emergency room because he can't stop crying.. Ex-wife says he's a darn mess.

Cruise Ships now ready for people to pay to float on the ocean locked away in small rooms, enjoying casino's, restaurants, and 3rd rate entertainment with possibility of dying from COVID-19 while on board.

Of course, most critters don't even know about any of this.

Carry On.

Yep. More News !

Some real one's in here, starting with -

Pope says Pandemic is Nature's Response to Global Warming.  That's as nuts as islamists saying that Earthquakes are the result of women not obeying their husbands.  Plus, if Nature was pissed off about global warming wouldn't it be killing massive numbers of people in high pollution countries like India and China?  I mean, how stupid is this pope anyway.

Stock Market Up, Down and Sideways today. Media explains it is because of soggy Oreo Cookies wrapped in women's underwear floating on the Ganges river in India.

Bill Gates talking about stuff no one is interested again.

Biden cuts hole in N95 mask so he can still sniff women's hair (from Babylon Bee)

CDC advises best way to avoid corona virus is to pet a fluffy pussycat or take a lonely dog for a walk in a cul-de-sac far away from NYC.

Literally everyone calling politicians "our leaders".  This is the beginning of the end folks.  Bring on the pitchforks !

What's new pussycat?  Pussycat, Pussycat You're delicious And if my wishes can all come true I'll soon be kissing your sweet little pussycat lips! Pussycat, Pussycat I love you Yes, I do! You and your pussycat lips! You and your pussycat eyes! You and your pussycat nose!   Whoao oh Whao Oh Whoao (From the Tom Jones news network)

In spin-off of old TV show Brady Bunch, LGBT mafia creates show with 18 kids of various genders in house managed by 3 gay dads. In show startup theme song, viewers are challenged to guess which dad is going to be the "mommy" today.

Jobless claims now at 355 million (not counting illegal aliens)

CDC confesses to lying about Covid-19 death numbers (real one)

This just in - according to experts, infecting everyone with corona virus would eliminate the disease.

Planned Parenthood shipping free condoms to everyone in America pre-laced with powdered bodily fluid activated spermatoza.  What can I say, it's gettin real out there.

Joe Biden says COVID-19 helping his campaign by eliminating Trump Rallies.

Russia sends COVID-19 infected cosmonauts to ISS.

Attorney General William Barr says "I ain't prosecutin nobody.  What are you nuts?"

Good Luck Boris Johnson.

Isolating with David Blaine