Tuesday, April 13, 2021

Kid News Network Contemplating Stock Market IPO. In The Meantime...

Barron Trump, currently 6' 8" at 15 years of age projected to be 17' 5" when he runs for president in the year 2040.  White House modification plans already beginning at secret architectural firm owned by Russian Oligarch and based in China.

Scientist claims his craft will be able to accelerate from zero to many times the speed of sound in a fraction of a second.  He admits he is still working on a way to keep human passengers from ending up like bugs on a windshield on the back walls of the craft.

Iran demands to be given all nuclear arms technology in addition to nuclear bombs, submarines and airplanes, and a bunch of money, before they agree to hold nuclear talks with Biden administration.

Mike Lindell accused of planting microscopic devices into My Pillows that convert liberals to Conservatives while they sleep.

Secret video emerges of Hunter Biden in sordid sex threesome with Jill Biden and underage grand daughter of Joe Biden while seedy motel room being guarded by Secret Service.  Jimmy Kimmel and Hunter preview video on late night show. 

Recognizing customers are bored with 'Pro' versions of products, Apple to announce new 'Porn Star' designation for higher end models.

Note to First Ladies.  Shut up, you weren't elected.

Antifa declares itself a terrorist organization. Demands huge sums of money from Biden administration to send all members in for therapy and counselling.

What The HECK Is Going On ?! Who Is Responsible !?

Mr Rogers plans to run for president in 2024 with the platform "I will hang up your sweater, get you a cookie, and tuck you in each and every night."
Odds makers give him a 101% chance of being elected.

N Korea's Kim Jong un declares American politicians totally screwed in the head from sexual tension. Offers to build Comfort Women Resorts throughout the District of Columbia and stock them with teenage girls from Central America now flooding Southern Border.

And finally for your partly cloudy, but mostly sunny day wherever the heck you are - Don't Worry ! Be Happy !


  1. You know, I never trusted Mike Lindell. His name sounds Chinese. Well, obviously this is one of those made-up news items. The only way you can convert a liberal away from stupidism is through the use of that amazing French device — the guillotine. Worked every darn time.

    You missed one. Iran has also purchased the U. S. Navy for $29.3 Trillion (toys sold separately). Biden posted the sale as a blue light special on Craig’s List. Should work out okay.

    Physics bending technology is a great idea, Kid. Could we market it to certain segment of our population as the newest version of the electric car? You know, I think you’re a genius when it comes to marketing stuff. Like that time you sold me a box of ping pong balls with dimples painted on them for $3.00/dozen. Given my usual distance off the tee box I never noticed the scam until Jerry fell down laughing and later said I owed him a beer for coming up furthest from the green.

    Initially, the BLM dude’s recent residential acquisition irritated me, but then I remembered that the Trinity Baptist Church in Chicago bought Rev. Right a $1.3 million house on the northside. So, like my PTO veteran father used to say, “What’s good for gook is good for the other gooks.” I never understood what that meant until Elaine Chao’s father gave her several million dollars after landing a US shipping contract.

    Good advice for first ladies. BTW ... why do we even have first ladies? First at what?

    Are you making a connection between First Ladies, sexual tension, and comfort stations? Now, if JFK was still president, we’d have comfort stations at every truck stop and no one would be filling up at the local stop ‘n rob. Question, though ... are those comfort stations franchises? Any idea about startup costs? Could you advance me the money on a low interest-only renewable commercial note?

    Why are you always worrying about taxpayer costs? Surely by now you realize that children just recently born will bear all these costs ... which given their nasty soiled diaper habits and surly attitudes, who cares? I don’t. In fact, if I could get away with it, I’d borrow $666,000.00 from the government on a 30 year note, repayable in one lump sum in 30 years ... proving once and for all that I’m no racist.

    1. Jerry told me about Lindell Mustang. I think they're neighbors.

      Well, we gave that money back to Iran so...

      When it comes to black people stealing money it is all OK. You know Whitey gots his, now they's just getting theirs. It's in the Constitution. Or one of those Amendment things people yap about.

      Good question on First Lady. Guess I could look it up but who cares. Well, we had the first tranny, maybe that counts for something.

      Jerry will be in charge of the comfort stations, talk to him if he ever gets his igloo on line.

      I no worry about taxpayer costs, just pointing out the satan connection. Remember bidens text code for donating? 30330? 2020 div 666 = 30330...

      I thought you were going to teach me to golf someday but if you can't even make it to the green maybe I should look elsewhere. In any case, Live Long and phosphorous !
      I will vote for you in every election now.

  2. I'm a FAR bigger fan of Lindell now! Did you know there's a pillow company a leftwing teen from that high school in FLA that had a big shooting which was developed only to screw Lindell's profits? I think it's called GOODPILLOW. THAT's how far the left will go.
    WHy are all of Kim Jung Un's sycophant girls all crying? I know I would were I that close to that stinker, but....
    And I LOVE the line about "passengers ending up like bugs.."
    And almost threw up at the threesome with Jill Biden. DON'T DO THAT, KID...NEVER write anything like that again! HAAAAAAAAAAA! Great column!!

    1. Z, Yea it was that annoying little twit david hogg, who was not at the school when Cruz shot those kids but still calls himself a 'survivor'. Perfect democrat. Anyway, I read the other day that his (their) pillow venture went bust.

      Z, those girls are crying at just the opportunity to be of service to the Jong, a lifetime dream for many NK girls. Or maybe they're faking it.

      I almost threw up too.

      Thank You !

  3. Whoa, Kid, there's a lot going on here and I'm looking forward to the opening. Nice one.

    I also like the way the BLM necromancer's diversifying into housing. All that Marxism doesn't come cheap you know. What was that old phrase, sub prime?

    1. I'll give you first dibs on the IPO Parson. Maybe bring you in as a board member. You and Adrienne.

      I wonder how all those corporate BLM donors feel about their money being redirected to private residences. Probably figure they're getting their money's worth either way since it's all about the division and misdirection. And that schtick is getting pretty boring but as long as the kids (young and old) keep falling for it what the hey.