Sunday, December 13, 2015

Today's College Grad Interviewing For a Job.

G =Grad
I = Interviewer
G- So, do you have a safe room in case I start peeing my pants about some kind of a threat ?
I - No, this is real life here, and you can't bring a gun with you either. This is a gun free zone.
G- Ewwwww, a Gun? Who would have one of those things. I'm happy to hear this is a gun free workplace!
G - How diverse is your company – do you have all races and religions, and how many LGBT people do you have working here? 
I - We hire people based on their talents and prior history and accomplishments.
G - (thinking to themself - well that's disgusting.  A company that doesn't think about diversity...)

G- If I work really hard at something for the first 4 hours of the day I’m assuming I get full credit for the day and can go home at that point?
I - No, we have no such programs
G - (thinking - What regressives!  What slave masters !)
G - Do you have employee self esteem building meetings on a regular basis?
I - No, we have no such programs. We concentrate on making profiits so that we can pay our employees a good wage and provide an assortment of benefits.
G - (thinking.. what the hell ?!)
G- Do you require proper spelling and grammar in inter and outside company communications?
I - Yes of course we expect our employees to be able to communicate orally or in writing according to generally accepted engligh.
G- (thinking... Retards!)
G -If I’m getting lots of text messages can I ignore when the phone rings ?
I - No, we expect that you will put our customers first in all situations while you are on the clock.
G - (thinking - Freakin Slave Drivers!)
G - How green is this company?
I - We strive to protect the environment at every step but we also need to make a profit so that we can make payroll, provide a portion of health, pension, and other benifits.
G - (thinking - Earth Destroyers !!)

G -Does this company put significant dollars into battling climate change?
I - No.
G (thinking, Earth Destroying Bastards !!)
G - If I work from home can I put the added environmental controls (like A/C electric) costs on my expense report? 
I - We do not provide for work from home scenarios
G - ( thinking - Earth Destroying Bastards !!!)

G - How much money does this company donate to the democrat party election campaigns?
I - We donate to the Republican party.
G - (thinking Earth Destroying BASTARDS !!!!!!!)
G - Do you fire people who are not nice to the other employees?
I - We only deal with situations where an employee get physical with another employee.  If someone is "not nice" to another employee, we don't get involved.
G -  (thinking EARTH Destroying BASTARDS !!!!!!!)
G - How awsum is this company.
I - This company is very awesome, We currently sell hundreds of millions of our products and we have $100 Billion in the bank.
G -  (thinking EARTH DESTROYING BASTARDS !!!!!!!)

G - How many adorable things are associated with this company.
I - Everything about this company is adorable.
G - (thinking, yea right)
G - Is this company badass?
I - This company is very bad ass.
G - (thinking, bad yea, bad ass no...)

G - Does this company provide free nutella, smores, coloring books and legos in the breakrooms?
I - No.
G - (thinking - what prehistoric cretins)

G - I'm interested in working here, but I require a minimum starting salary of $95k per year
I - Right now we have an over-abundance of applicants, and so I will call you if we determine that you would provide the company with a return on investment at a 95k salary.  Thank you for coming in,.
G - (thinking - Damn these EARTH DESTROYING BASTARDS WANT ME !)


  1. Don't forget that the "G" will be dressed in ripped jeans and a faded dirty sweat shirt. Even when I went to chat with the manager of the grocery store for a job doing food demo's (perfect little old lady job), I wore a skirt, stockings, and heels.

    1. Adrienne, Good point. I should have included how G was dressed and also that she interrupted the interview several times to respond to a completely non important text message on her iPhone 6+..

      So, you weren't wearing a top? ;-)

    2. Now that was really hitting above the belt, Kid.

      Shame on you! ;-)

    3. Just an inquiring mind FT.

    4. If the students I teach are any indication, the grad will also be sporting roughly 7.3 meters of tattoos, 17 piercings, and have half a shaved head. That is exactly the sort of person someone would want to go out and represent a company to its customers.

    5. Euripides, Thas what I'm talkin about.

  2. It would be very funny, if only it weren't so close to the truth.

    Yours, Kid? Or one of those products from the workrooms of the Netwits?

  3. You didn't indicate what G got her degree in. Probably Women's Studies, which pumps out walking, talking sexual harrassment lawsuits by the ton.

    This bozo G should hold her breath while waiting for the call back for a second interview. And no cheating.

    1. Fredd, I didn't know the degree, but I'm guessing something heavily related to the environment.

  4. G is Jenner, right? Or maybe some other metrosexual douche who is truly a victim of the leftist education model.

    1. Mustang, No not jenner, I was picturing a 23 year old brunette with black framed glasses and a look on her/his face like it hates the world and wants kill republicans by the dozen.

  5. These days, G could be he as well as she.

    1. Cube, Absolutely. He could even be he today and she tomorrow or vice-versa.

    2. OK, that just triggered an old Bug Bunny cartoon about hare today and goon tomorrow. Remember that oldie?

    3. Cube, I don't remember that one. I'll have to see if it's on youtube.

  6. Kid...I have a great picture of that engagement now! Tat's up and down the arms...tongue stud, nose ring, lip ring, hoop earrings the size of garbage can lids, purple lipstick, green red and purple hair streaks. Close?

    1. I find the tendency among today’s youth to transform their faces into representations of Maori warriors disturbing. I saw a gorgeous woman recently who marred her natural beauty with cluttered tattoos on both arms. Man ... I don’t get it.

    2. IMP, No purple but the rest is pretty close.

    3. Mustang, the overly tattooed woman is getting pretty common these days form what I see. I don't get it either. Would you vow to keep a certain bumper sticker on your car for the rest of your life?

    4. Beside one that says 'omaba sucks' of course.

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  7. I think a tattoo on a pretty like putting a bumper sticker on a Ferrari. It used to be sailors and sluts only. Well... bikers too but that's expected and mandatory.

    1. Personally speaking, I wouldn't mind a small flower or hummingbird on the ankle or tushy of my love, but any more than that and I'm not interested. I don't like it visually, and to me it speaks to their mental state. Outside of that people can do what they want as far as I'm concerned. I pretty regularly see people these days who look like they've had the contents of a comic book reprinted on themself. How about the guys with those big rings in their ear lobes, or the hole drilled in their lower lip or their noses? Ever have soup? Blow your nose? Wow. Yea, I'm not getting it.

    2. Tattoos indeed are a mirror of the mental state of the tat wearer. Even the smallest of tattoos anywhere reflects the judgement and intelligence of the dumb shit who gets them. Tat wearers have no regard for the future, and live only in the now. They care not what that tat will look like in 50 years (it will look like a malignant melanoma, duh), nor do they care about what polite society thinks about them (polite society, meaning folks other than bikers, sluts and sailors) consider that people tatted up are idiots and wouldn't hire them to walk their dog, much less pay them for anything that requires responsibility and more importantly, judgement.


    3. Fredd, As stated, I don't mind a small tattoo on a girl. Heck I've got a MOAB tattooed on my butt myself.

      But you are free to your opinion until obama and lynch say you're not.

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  9. Great post!!
    and I'm with Kid on tattoos...cleverly hidden, sexy and sweet.
    Honestly, if I see one more famous chef whose arms are totally tattoo' looks like DIRT ...YUCK!

  10. Thank You Z !

    I'm with you on the Chefs. Even a few of the Chopped Judges are all tatted up. Do they get tatted up after becoming chefs or do they become chefs because they are restricted to work out of the view of the customers?