Friday, March 1, 2013

You've Won A Trip To Mars !

So... You've won the Trifecta !  The hairy reid Pinata Bash, the Pin the Tail on the pelosi romp, and the Tag an obama pal every time they steal money game.

As a bonus, you laughed like a Hyena when you heard that stupid bitch maxine waters (She's a congresswoman here in the USA..) actually say that America would lose 170 million jobs because of the sequester even though there are only about 140 million people working.  Total..  Give me a moment here.............................................................. ......................................... ........................................................................................7 6 5 4 3 2 1......   ok.  Deep Breath..

You have won a trip to Mars.  You could meet this guy !




I see people all over the Internet saying they would LOVE to go to Mars.  I'm having a hard time understanding that.  Even if it's a trip where you land, walk around, explore a tiny bit, then take off and come back.

Unless I'm missing something, I'm thinking that here you are in a very confined area with no sexual partner.  Maybe it's you and your wife, which ah, well you decide on the sex part. But then you have 6 months Plus of travel. Even if you don't get whacked by an unexpected piece of space debris on the way or one of a thousand other things goes wrong; I'm thinking the main points of that are going to be:
  • the food has to suck right? no way you're going to have 6 months of food on a vehicle that is traveling to Mars that is of any quality.  Since hot food takes energy to make and energy is likely going to be limited, most of what you eat is going to be cold. What kind of food would last 6 months?  Surely not bread.  We have to assume MRE's here.   Then the waste. What about that? Six Months worth. Off into space?  Won't that make a good impression for the aliens.
  • Even if there is sex, what about one of those unplanned pregnancies at month 3.  The baby is going to be due before you even get back.
  • Imagine looking at the stars though !   Ok, seen that, seen that, seen that. I'm tired of looking at the little white dots out there at about day 37.  Really tired.  Bored beyond belief.
  • Well, at least we have Internet access.  Ok, blogging from space.  Hi Folks!  Here we are! Naked and headed to Mars ! Woo WOO !
  • The physical demands of space. Your muscles are going atrophy even if you exercise in weightless nowhere land.  I read recently, where your eyes are severely damaged spending long periods in space.
  • No creature comforts, little to stir the imagination, lots of duties to perform checking the ship and such and the incessant phone calls from "Houston".  Hi Folks! Time to get up! Time to go to bed!  Hey Bobby, your heart rate is up are you masturbating?
  • Finally, YOU ARRIVE AT MARS!  You land.  You look around at a barren landscape of rust red and blue rocks that look exactly like the pictures the rovers have been sending back for the last 25 years.  You really feel the gravity of Mars and you can barely stand because you haven't had gravity for 5 months. You're confined to a confining space suit because you cannot breathe otherwise on Mars. You wonder, Why did I do this?  You pick up a rock and chuck it.  You wish to hell, you had just picked up a flattish rock on Earth and chucked it onto the surface of a life filled lake and watched it skip on the water 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12 times!  But no.  You're on about the most boring planet you could land on after spending the larger portion of 6 months in a tuna can, and now you've got to spend another 6 getting back to that rock full of maniacs called Earth.
Who would want to do this ?  Maybe I'm missing something. 

Correction: 16 months!

19 comments :

  1. Paris might not look so bad after all that.
    But then I wouldn't want to pilot the Enterprise to battle with the Klingons, Romulans and who knows what else lies way off in the distance unknown to attack foreign invaders to their back 40 of the Universe.

    ReplyDelete
  2. "Maybe it's you and your wife,"

    I would think not very long thereafter! I'm referring to the launch. OK, fill in the blank(s).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. JonBerg, and would they survive the trip

      Delete
  3. I certainly wouldn't want to take a trip to Mars, but I'd like to launch some of those folks you mentioned in the beginning of the post into space.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I have trouble leaving my mini-farm here in LA to go to visit family/friends in MI-Montana- and NC-
    WHY would I want to go to a foreign planet!!! ??
    Carol-CS

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Carol-CS, especially one as boring as Mars. Rocks and dust and can't breathe the air.

      I'd have walked on the moon if I had the chance. It's a 3 day trip and it would have been a hoot.

      Delete
  5. Kid:

    As the pragmatic soul that I am, I think your premise here needs work.

    The basic assumption of this Mars trip of yours is that anybody who wants to go would be considered a candidate. Somebody like Cletus Spuckler (the slack jawed yokel of Simpsons fame) could just wake up one morning in their double wide hovel, and state 'hey, thar, Brandine (Cletus' better half), I gots me a hankerin' to go to Mars, start packin' the cardboard boxes, yahooooo!'

    Ever read Tom Wolfe's book 'The Right Stuff?' The most qualified men (no women were even remotely considered) lined up in droves to volunteer for the U.S. manned (no, not 'womened') space program. And of those highly qualified droves, who held ph.D's, were decorated combat fighter jet pilots, etc., a meager handful were selected.

    And what would flush an otherwise perfect physically conditioned, brilliant candidate from the program? Just the smallest little things would get one of these supermen (no, not super women) expelled. You had to have 'the right stuff.' Just what that 'stuff' was composed of, nobody could exactly put a finger on it. Only perfect candidates were selected. No flaws in personality, no physical imperfections, none of that would make the cut. The perfect only need apply.

    And here you have the Great Unwashed all thinking about quitting their jobs as garbage collectors and Houston, TX congresswomen, boarding your rickety, slip shod space ship packed with MRE's and heading off to Mars.

    Don't you think that there might be a selection process that would weed out folks like Sheila Jackson Lee, Maxine Watters, a garbage collector, a ditch digger and their imbecilic ilk?

    Hmmm. Then again, Barack Obama is now calling the NASA shots, and his policy is that NASA's main mission is Muslim outreach. I am guessing that all Mars expedition candidates must wear burkahs instead of space suits.

    Maybe I should rethink MY premise, huh Kid?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fredd, actually a wealthy individual is planning to send a couple to Mars in 2018. I mis-stated, this is a 16 month voyage! hahahaa.
      And they don't get to land either, just a flyby, wave to Marvin, then back to Earth.

      hehehee

      Delete
    2. PS, apologies for not mentioning that in the post.

      Delete
    3. Well what kind of an expedition is that? I say send Cletus and Brandine.

      Delete
    4. Fredd, How about barak and michele ?

      Delete
  6. They Say/We Say..."Paris might not look so BAD?" Have you BEEN to Paris?????????????wow

    Kid, this is a hilarious post and, actually, quite sobering, too! I mean, who WOULD want to go? and WHY? ..to say you went? Actually, I happen to believe a LOT of people do trips just so they can say they went... and that's just to Tibet; why do MARS?
    You know me well enough by now to know it would be the FOOD which would be up there on my top thousand reasons for NEVER LEAVING THIS PLANET :-)
    goodpost! :=_

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank You Miss Z ! Can you imagine what 16 months of food would consist of in a vehicle that could take you to Mars !?!?

      Good Lord.

      Delete
  7. There is more intelligent life on Mars anyway.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Admiral, I see you've talked to Marvin as well !

      Delete
  8. KId - I'd send the entire US Congress to Mars. At the very least we'd be rid of the fools for three years.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. All 535 Sig. Every last one of them. Even the latest illusion - Rand Paul.

      Delete