Barak Obama’s Libya Speech Translated

Good evening. Tonight I’d like to update the American People on the international effort we have led in Libya. 

Thanks to Me, our military is awesome.  Our troops are crawling all over the globe bringing relief and/or destruction to people practically everywhere.

For generations, America has played a major role in human freedom. The more oil you got, the more chances you have at being free.

Libya sits directly between Tunisia and Egypt, two nations that inspired the world for some reason. For more than 4 decades, the Libyan people have been ruled by a tyrant – Gaddaffi.  He is a very very very very bad man.

Last month Libyans, Al Queerda, Muslim Brotherhood, Radical Islamists, who we will simply refer to as Libyans, took to the streets to tell that mofo Gaddafi they have had enough and they were not going to take no more.

I told Gaddaffi that he had to step down from power.  I don’t know why he hasn’t stepped down yet.  Murby in Egypt stepped down, why won’t that mofo Gaddaffi?  I’m really Peeved he is not stepping down after I told him to !

Gaddaffi instead went on a killing rampage, raping all the women, murdering everyone else, destroying all the hospitals, and cute little kittens were blown to smithereens by Gaddaffi’s military machine.

Confronted by this mayhem. I, as in ME ME ME ordered WARSHIPS into the Mediterranean.  European Allies, like happy little lapdogs of mine jumped at the chance to join with ME ME ME to commit resources to stop the killing.

The Libyan opposition, the Arab League, appealed to the world to come and save them.  My Phone rang at 2 AM, and they all cried out to me “SAVE US SAVE US. HELP HELP HEEEEEEEEELP!” I answered that call.  At My Direction – MINE MINE MINE, America led an effort with out Lapdog allies at the United Nations, the most Important Institution on Earth (except for me) totally Punked the Security Council into going along with MY Brilliant Plan.  Of course, we were given the authorization to set up a No Fly Zone.

The first thing I did as a Nobel Peace Prize Winner was to order the launch of the largest number of Cruise Missiles in the History of Mankind.  I think I’m up to like 168 now.  I can assure you, No innocent lives were taken as a result of those 168 unannounced cruise missiles blowing air defense installations to hell and back.

Don’t listen to Sarkozy or Cameron – Those attention whores are trying to take all the credit for this operation.  It wasn’t them, it was Me Me ME !

Gaddaffi promised to go through his country and kill all the people like rats, hanging them in the street and doing panty raids.

I (ME ME ME) wasn’t about to let that happen. So, after consulting the Bipartisan leadership of Congress (I did that right?) A authorized the military action to stop Gaddaffi in his tracks.  Tonight I can report that we kicked Gaddaffi’s ass.  (I knew I was going to find someone’s ass to kick since that Gulf oil and vinegar crisis came up..)

In this effort, we did Not Act Alone (In case we need to place blame elsewhere in the future)  NO, we worked with our International partners (who use the bulk of Libyan Light Sweet Crude Oil)  To give you some perspective on how fast I acted; when people were brutalized in Bosnia, it took more than a year to get the International community to intervene. I did this in less than a week, even as David Cameron and Nickolas Sarkozy Begged me not to pull them into this highly dangerous operation.  I would have none of it and they both Thank Me profusely today for pulling them in.

Bla, Bla Bla, Bla Bla Bla Bla, yada yada yada, gleep.

In closing, Let Me Be Clear, as Commander in Chief, I, ME ME ME, am responsible for every good thing that has and will occur in the world for the last few years, and for decades into the future.

There are time though, that a people will be tortured and oppressed and we may not decide to bring my awesome military to bear.  This is because they don’t have an oil.

Finally, let me say that I really hope Gaddaffi steps down and this whole thing goes well, because I have no idea what to do next.  I’ve already told Gaddaffi I’m not going to commit my military any more than in the  no fly zone.  So, if it all goes to hell, I want you to know, Sarkozy and Cameron were the ones responsible – for being weak and for delaying their commitments to go with MY Plan.

God Bless you and Especially ME ME ME!

And Really Finally I want to say to all our our 57 + 1 or 2 states:

Gaddaffi, Momaffi, Flamaffi, Obama Momamma Banana, Mo Fanna, Gommanna, Fi Laffi MeDaffy Goraffy, Lobamma, Homanna, No Planna !!!