While petting an orange and white kitten who was purring loudly, South Korean Defense Minister Song Young-Moo, using an alias because he/she does not have permission to speak to fake news media, tells us that Kim Jong the whacky Bong is a short timer. Song Young-Moo was not immediately available for confirmation of his/her/their comments.
Meanwhile, Brilriant Leader spokesperson Pow Bang Poof, speaking under an assumed alias (because he/she/they are afraid of being fed to wild dogs) said Pingpong will never bend to pressure from the Great Tweeter and that America will burn like a fire not even seen on the surface of the sun. Pow Bang Poof was not immediately available for further comments.
NK Spokeswoman going by the alias Kum To Suun because he/she (we know its a he right?) is not authorized to speak on government matters tells us NK's Great Reader is planning to destroy all of USA next month "You better Rook outs! Great Reader gonna turn all of you capitalist dogs into fireballs in merciless attacks unress you send all your money to Kim Jong Un, Great Brilliant Leader of DPRK ! Right Nows !"
So there's that.
While this is all going on, as Dearest Leader watches the launch of his latest pathetic missile, he is thinking.
^&%$#*%* That bastard Xi Kingjingpingpongpang bastard is telling me I gots to stop my nuclear dreams or else. I ask, Or else what? He tell me, or else he not going to protect me anymore. My Achin Kimchee ! After arr I have done for that Chinese Plick !
General Wang!
GW: Here Boss !
GL: Transform Nuclear Weapons program into soft ice cream machines and deploy on all street corners of DPRK.... Crap...
GW: Don't be too deplessed boss, you still haves Comfort Women Forces !
And a new recruit !
I'm knows it General Wang, I'm knows it......
By the ways, you can have Nancy Pelosi all to yourself.
GW: OMG.......
Hillarious!
ReplyDeleteThanks man.
DeleteIn these days of fake news it's good to have a media Outlet I can trust. Thank you for all your reportage.
ReplyDeleteIt is an honor to provide this service Ed.
DeleteWhat they said... This explains that video of Nancy Pelosi that is making the rounds with her face twitching and uttering gibberish... She is actually sending coded messages in NK pingpong rangluage. Great job, Mr Kid. Prease to keep us informed.
ReplyDeleteThank you Mr Blade. That video of Nancy talking gibberish was after a 3 week visit to NK where she provided comfort to a couple thousand NK military members.
DeleteAs our expert on all things Korean, I've been wanting to ask you this question: how does Great Reader cope with all that garlic whilst in the center of all those comfort women? I do suppose he's well-protected from vampires now, but still ...
ReplyDeleteThe DPRK women love garlic Mustang. The smellier the better. They've been trained for this since early childhood...
Deletebtw, I notice Kim has put on quite a bit of weight since this picture was taken. Maybe the women keep feeding him hoping he will explode.
Garlic has great health benefits. Don't believe me? Ask the Sicilians.
ReplyDeleteI don't understand why the Chinese don't just off this fat shit. How hard could it be? Just slip a little arsenic or cyanide into his caviar, and there you have it: regime change.
ReplyDeleteThen again, that may be asking a lot of the Chinese. Easier just to blow up his palace, same result: dead Dear Reader, who lan out of ruck.
Freddo, I can only imagine some benefit to China as the result of having NK as an extortion agent to the rest of the world. I'm not smart enough to put the details down. Yes, the Chinese could put this pimple out of everyone's misery.
DeleteI have a follow-up question: are you raking in mega-bucks for all your positive spin on North Korea? Specifically, I want to know if you are a share-holder of the Ping Pong Hilton, or if you know anyone who is. Moreover, we all would be interested to know if you are receiving any non-cash benefits from Great Reader, such as free corn oil and 15-comfort women in increments not to exceed five-minutes in duration. Finally, do you have any pictures?
ReplyDeleteMustang. First off I disavow any knowledge of Paul Manafort's dealings with Ping Pong Hilrod, I mean Hilton sexual adventure caves. To your last Korean-female erotic vision, I can tell you that I have access to 720,000 N Korean virgin females, and may I declare that this eclipses the pathetic moslem dream of a pathetic 72 virgin women and mules waiting for them in some hell hole afterlife sandbox. May a pox be upon them.
DeleteI do have pictures. They are available in the gift shop at quite reasonable prices.
At least your fake news is funny. Well except for the insinuation of Nana Pelosi as Wang's comfort woman. I want to scrub that thought from my brain.
ReplyDeleteCube, I'm sending you a complimentary tube of pelosi-bleachbit brain scrub. The first tube is free of change, not even shipping and handling.
DeleteActually Wang passed her to the lower ranks.
And thank you.
OK: FIRST of all, Kim fans would NEVER pet a sweet little kitty....they'd feed it to the work farms of starving people if the starving people behaved!
ReplyDeletePELOSI.....oh, please, oh, please...one way ticket. Oh, please..............
Z, Personally I think it was a fake stuffed kitteh.
DeleteI'm working on it !
I hope y'all had a HAPPY HALLOWEEN!
ReplyDeleteYou too FT.
Delete