Friday, January 4, 2013

A Peek at Next Week's Top News Stories

  • hilrod clinton admits to not telling the truth about anything, including her age, for the last 89 years, begs forgiveness, begins run for White House in 2016, leaks information that her fake concussion was caused by being a passenger in the helicopter that crashed at the bin laden compound while acting as diplomatic liaison for Seal Team 6 and the O’dark Thirty mission.
  • New York residents pissed that the suitcase nuke went off right at the moment the Jet’s quarterback was about to throw a winning touchdown. Expect a class action suit against the local wireless carrier for not using nuke proof cell towers and cable nodes.
  •  honey boo boo begins White House run. Offers Kenyan birth certificate as proof she is old enough to serve which is accepted by Congress and the Media. Anderson Cooper and Wolf Blitzer in heated exchange over who is better for the country – boo boo or clinton. 
  • Gangnam style singer/dancer elected Democratic Senator from the great state of S. Korea. Adopts 8 trillion aid package to Gangnam, S. Korea as number one issue for Senate in 2013. Democrat and Republican Senators frantically attaching earmarks to bill. House Speaker John Boehner tearfully declares No More than a 6 Trillion dollar bill will pass the house. Speaker John Boehner to be sent to Foxconn factory in China for repairs to emotion chip sometime in 2014. 
  • Nancy Pelosi sent back to N. Korea for repairs to Negatronic brain unit. 
  • obama declares 4 year Hawaii vacation for first family to save on travel costs. Joe Biden moves into White House and begins secretly having wild all night parties. Police called several times by neighbors in an attempt to get the noise turned down. 
  • SWAT team called in to investigate a “shots fired” report at local Connecticut shooting range. Gabrielle Giffords immediately begins planning trip to shooting range to console shooting range patrons. 
  • barney frank tearfully begs to be interim Senator to replace john kerry after boyfriend leaves him for another Senator. 
  • Millions on the edge of their seat as Mars rover Curiosity set to take picture of another Mars rock. 
  • Friend of Delhi rape victim, who was also raped wishes to hell India had a conceal carry program like in USA 
  • Yahoo CEO Marissa Mayer, who will be making 100 million over 5 years hires ‘turnaround expert’ to do her job for her. First order of business is to go Retro on Yahoo Mail client and redesign it back to a version 1.0 style mail client, eliminating many features and transforming the look and feel to resemble puke from a German Shepard that just got into that damn cat’s litter box again. 
  • Congress approves 4 billion of aid for Sandy victims and attaches 19 billion of earmarks and pork to the bill. 
  • Hugo Chavez to stay in power. Will rule Venezuela from 6 feet under ground at the Presidential Palace. 
  • Scientists declare changing weather to be Proof Positive for climate change. 
  • Unemployment rate in US discovered to be set by old spin wheel from the Parker Bros Game of Life board game. 
  • Scientists undecided whether Dinosaurs seduced mates by Striking a Pose with tail feathers or banging erect penis on nearest tree trunk doing an impression of Jack Nicholson in the movie – One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. 
  • California invests 3 trillion into proposed Unicorn Poop Nuclear reactor. Discovers Unicorn Poop in short supply. 
  • New Al Jazerra owned Current TV channel to broadcast 24/7 threats to Infidels. Plans to finance operations by selling claims to virgins to jihadist suicide bombers. User Interface features pictures of all available virgins in stylish burkas depicted in low ‘palace harem’ light. 
  • California Sperm Donor ordered to pay child support to 1,574 fatherless children.

16 comments :

  1. Replies
    1. Opus, that's what I was afraid of.

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  2. The Journal News just announced that it is publishing a list of all virgins in Westchester and Orange Counties. All three virgins on the list have hired famed attorney Rupert "Breaker" Hymen to bring suit against the paper.

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    Replies
    1. Good for them Sig. Sounds like a real cherry of a guy.

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    2. They really found THREE - virgins that is!?!!
      C-CS

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  3. Here is a good story for you:
    Mr. Barack “I want to help the Middle Class” Obama’s spends $7 million on his last Hawaii vacation! Is this a slap in the face and an insult to America’s struggling middle class? Or am I being to harsh?
    This spending maniac doesńt care one bit about America and the struggling middle class people at all. He just says whatever he wants to in order to get re-elected. This buffoon and his power grabbing Wookie care about is all the freebies that come with the job. It just boggles the mind why anyone would vote for this team of leech’s.

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    Replies
    1. My Thoughts, obama has been giving America the finger literally and figuratively since the campaign for the 08 election. Chicago politics, all about stealing money for them, friends, union bosses, etc. It's all about stealing money and elevating the loser class (read:democrat voters for life).

      He hates whitey, blackey, latino and Americans.

      Well, it used to boggle my mind until I realized that the vast majority of the democrat and obama supporters cannot afford to care who is in the White House. They're too dependent. Thinik of them as addicts and the dems and obama as the drug dealers. The drug is free money. Literally.

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    2. My Thoughts, add to the dependents, those kids who have been indoctrinated by the liberal schools and media. They think he's cool.

      have you seen this?

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  4. All of the above is the new normal, to be filed among all the other 'dog bites man' stories.

    Now, when honey boo boo's mom gets new tar paper siding on her double wide, THAT is news, Kid.

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    Replies
    1. Fredd, you're right, it is the new normal. It won't change until the hammer comes down on all those who gave up their liberty and freedom for a free meal.

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  5. KID!!
    How did you get all of these 'SCOOPS' - a little insider information!! (- : SARC!

    Well done my Patriot friend!
    Carol-CS


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    Replies
    1. Carol-CS, I think I'm sikik. See I'm even using the 2025 spelling of the word for some reason.

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    2. Carol-CS, PS, Thank You ! :)

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  6. Yes, Virginia the bankrupting of America does continue!
    And herés the deal and this is just the tip of the iceberg. O’Bamboozer want us to give more and more money to the, should i put it nicely and say the “Have Not’s” Well just read on my good friends and look at where our hard earned money is going. More proof that Bamboozler really hates Americans, ans is determined to bring us to our knees. Once again that poor excuse for a man sets forth more regulations and rules are implemented there needs to be more enforcement entities to catch the perps who have learned how to game the systems already in place. The enforcement folks will see the futility in busting only a couple of crooks while the rest run wild and they will eventually give up trying to catch them. See Detroit. See Chicago. The cops have surrendered. The crooks won. And it only gets worse.
    A investigation just exposed a database of 200 million Electronic Benefit Transfer records from January 2011 to July 2012, obtained by the New York Post, through a Freedom of Information request, that showed welfare recipients using their electronic benefit transfer cards to make dozens of cash withdrawals at ATMs, souds pretty reasonable so far doesn’t it.\/ But wait, these “Poor” Welfare recipients have been spending cash at bars, liquor stores, X-rated video shops, in hookers, and strip clubs — where they presumably spent their taxpayer money on lap dances rather than food, and diapers, and other necessities. Yeah, spending our money on sex, lottery tickets, and booze,, Those are the Obama voters folks! The liberal way...we work....they play!
    I ask you, Is anyone actually surprised? These parasites and thugs have been using the system for decades. This what Democrats and liberals have done to this country. But you know what? This of us without a political agenda have warned for years, that once Democrats got enough people on the dole and receiving financial assistance from the governmental agencies, such as a welfare. Guaranteeing a Democrat election win, we as a country were done! Did you listen? NOPE! You voted ideology and entitlements, you wanted to “share the wealth” you wanted to stick it ti the rich! and you've got exactly what you wanted and what you deserve. Put a fork in us! We're done!

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  7. I just read a staggering report this morning, that 128 million Americans are now on entitlement government programs, and with Obama's continuance to spend, spend, and spend, we are all doomed! Robbing Peters to pay Paul just don't work.
    It seems as if the cancer of Socialism is alive and well in America.

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  8. Hi Archives, Well, as you indicate also, we have a new majority in America now. Just call them losers and morons. Ignorance of the facts doesn't get a pass anymore.

    -obamacare is here to stay. It will be much more expensive and provide much less HC.
    -we likely will have a Liberal supreme court if we don't have one already (Roberts on obammycare) and that'll do it right there.
    -obama is a dictator.
    -even people on the right hate the republicans now. They used to be useless and now they're less than that. Not that anyone but a dem is going to get elected anymore anyway with the election fraud that goes unchallenged.

    It's over for the duration. It's all downhill from here.

    My plan is have some fun and protect my assets best I can. Laugh at libtards at every opportunity.

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